thoughts from lb

IJM Global Prayer Gathering - Plenary #2 and Prayer Rooms

2010-04-10T12:08:00.006-04:00

This morning's session was really wonderful, especially with the opportunity to hear from several field office directors.

First up- Sanju Mathew, Field Office Director in Chennai

Saju began with the story of Hagar and Ishmael, found in Genesis. He noted that the story is a subplot of Genesis. The seemingly minor role that Hagar and Ishmael play in the book do not prevent God from showing up in a real and marvelous way. But why include such a small story? It teaches us things about the character and nature of God; and He is not absent, even from the least of these.

God certainly sees the brokenness and hears the cries of the helpless, and "the Sovereign God of the Universe will move Heaven and earth the answer the cries of the desperate."
Those who victimize the weak show they have no fear of the Lord, and this injustice infuriates the Lord with a holy anger.

In response to what our prayers here have to do with IJM around the world: Exodus 17:8-16
"For hands were lifted up to the throne of the Lord." - everything that was happening in the valley, on the battlefield, depended on Moses on the mountain. And God is glorified when we lift up our voices for those who cannot.

"Prayer is the means by which God's power is brought onto the battlefield." -SM
"Prayer is the slender nerve that moveth the muscles of Omnipotence." -Charles Spurgeon

On the cross, Jesus gave up his access to the Father and Heaven remained silent. Now, we have access and Heaven is not silent.

Jesus was the Intercessor for us when we were weak and helpless. We are called to be intercessors for the world's weak and helpless.

From IJM staffers in the online chat: How to pray now, today
- For cases where official release has not been given. Official release is a government document guaranteeing freedom and rehabilitation for released slaves
- For courage, protection and encouragement for the team fighting in the battle front
- For government relations and perseverance in the face of obstacles

Next up was James Ewins, Field Office Director in Bangalore

James told an incredibly powerful story of slaves being freed from a conglomeration of brick kilns. He discussed the trials and triumphs as well as the hard labor and rich reward that accompany such a mission. He echoed the truth of Psalm 124: "if it had not been the Lord who was on our side/ when people rose up against us,/ then they would have swallowed us up alive,"

"The road to freedom is not an easy one," and we are walking it with them and will not give up.

How to pray:
- For strengthened relationships with government and police
- For resilience and determination on the part of the freed to be truly free
- For the team and their families; "We love what we do, but it is not safe."

James was followed by Joseph Kibugu, Field Office Director in Kenya

Joe began by discussing the harrowing crimes against humanity committed during post-election upheaval two years ago. He discussed the amount of corruption in Kenya's government and police forces, which adds to the necessity of IJM's presence in the country.

One of the most notable details he shared was that the poor and oppressed are forced to rely heavily on the rule of law because they have no other resources and little to no upward mobility. When the rule of law on which they rely is faulted or corrupt, it leaves them with nothing.

Pray that the staff in Kenya would "work with great wisdom, great hope and persistence as they seek God's work for the country."

Sara Groves (@grovesroad) performed Joy Is In Our Hearts but not before mentioning the fabulous Henri Nouwen line: Joy is a good thing well-secured.

Next, we "moved" on to the prayer rooms. These are available in a live blog format, and the two that I attended were run by @colbymarie.

Room No. 1: Government Relations w/ Holly Burkhalter
Two especially notable things from the live blog:
1. As advocates, we must stand by our officials and representatives regardless of their politics in order to give them the strength to adopt policies that will bring slavery and sex trafficking to an end.
2. CPCA - the Child Protection Compact Act: an extremely significant piece of legislation that you can read more about here (via IJM) and track the progress of here (via govtrack.us).

Room No. 2: Aftercare w/ Kathy Stout-Labauve
Three especially notable things from the live blog.
1. Trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy is the best aftercare that IJM knows of. (And also happens to be a significant portion of the Masters programs I am looking at.)
2. Those who are freed essentially trade the issues of being a slave for the issues of learning how to be free. I cannot even imagine this kind of acclamation - there is so much.
3. Aftercare provides healing resources that treat the effects of oppression and victimization. It is hard to comprehend just how deeply the oppressed, victimized and abused are effected, and it goes well beyond freedom from the tangible oppression.

There's lots more to come with GPG2010. It can be watched live online or on demand at a later point in time in case you missed it - http://www.ijm.org/gpgonline. The live blogging feeds from the break-out prayer rooms are available, as well, at the same link.

IJM Global Prayer Gathering - Plenary #1

2010-04-09T21:30:00.004-04:00

Pre-session Online Feature:

Gary Veurink, IJM executive vice president and COO, was previously the corporate vice president of Dow Chemicals. From his brief interview, it was clear that his corporate mindset and experience are a tremendous asset to the long-term goal-making and goal-reaching processes. It is good to remember that NGOs and non-profits need business models, pragmatic principles and empirical knowledge to accompany their heart and passion. To hear a COO, especially one with such an impressive background, speak of a "movement of justice" that "changes how the justice system in the world treats poor people" was moving. To see that he also had a plan to bring the movement to fruition was in.credible.

And one other thought not from Gary: Calling on God to help in the work is tantamount to any fundraising efforts. If He is not in it, it is all for naught.

Gary Haugen Introduction:

An excellent reminder that seekers of justice are locked in a battle with violence and evil - the violence and evil in the tangible world as well as that which is found in Paul's writings. "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places" (Ephesians 6:12). And so we must "put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil" (Ephesians 6:11).

This work must manifestly break your heart and, perhaps, you will hate it; but you will do it because God calls.

Susan Cohn Wu:

- Something amazing happens when we commit to unhurried time.

-Exodus 33: "you cannot see my face, for man shall not see me and live." Aslan, as described in the books, could never have fit on the screen. Neither could Christ fit in our limited understandings. We have a glimpse of a God who "stooped to conquer."

-"On the whole, I do not find Christians, outside of the catacombs, sufficiently sensible of conditions. Does anyone have the foggiest idea what sort of power we so blithely invoke? Or, as I suspect, does no one believe a word of it? The churches are children playing on the floor with their chemistry sets, making up a batch of TNT to kill a Sunday morning. It is madness to wear ladies hats and straw hats and velvet hats to church; we should all be wearing crash helmets. Ushers should issue life preservers and signal flares; they should lash us to our pews. For the sleeping god may wake someday and take offence, or the waking god may draw us out to where we can never return." -Annie Dillard, Teaching a Stone to Talk

- Psalm 23: words of certainty about the proximity and care of God in our time of greatest crisis--the valley

- "All prayer is prayed in a story, by someone who is in the story. There are no storyless prayers. Story is to prayer what the body is to the soul, the circumstances in which it takes place. And prayer is to story what the soul is to the body, the life without which it would be a corpse. Prayers are prayed by people who live stories." -Eugene Peterson
We are people of a narrative and we are here because of a story. We must not neglect the first story - the story that makes any other story, the story where God stepped into time with us, the story of God's persistence to love the unlovable.

- The reality of Christ is greater than our theology.

- "Faith does not take away from the reality of this evil. In fact, faith enables us to look squarely at the truth and not shrink back from it" -Susan Cohn Wu

- Live a life larger than your fears. Approach prayer in this.

The power we so blithely invoke

2010-04-09T21:23:00.001-04:00

"On the whole, I do not find Christians, outside of the catacombs, sufficiently sensible of conditions. Does anyone have the foggiest idea what sort of power we so blithely invoke? Or, as I suspect, does no one believe a word of it? The churches are children playing on the floor with their chemistry sets, making up a batch of TNT to kill a Sunday morning. It is madness to wear ladies hats and straw hats and velvet hats to church; we should all be wearing crash helmets. Ushers should issue life preservers and signal flares; they should lash us to our pews. For the sleeping god may wake someday and take offence, or the waking god may draw us out to where we can never return" -Annie Dillard, via Susan Cohn Wu
IJM Global Prayer Gathering

Untitled.

2010-02-16T20:38:00.005-05:00

A little over a year ago, I started on a journey. I was just beginning my second semester as a senior at Grove City, and things were going really well. Tantamount to all other successes was the amount of time I was spending studying the Word and praying. For the first time in a long time, I was really hungry for Truth. I was voracious in my reading, and the Lord was not silent in His teaching.

I began sorting through a few career options and decided on spending a year in Seoul, South Korea teaching English in an elementary school. I was thrilled! I felt God's promise in it, and I was optimistic about having a "plan" for after graduation. Graduation came and went and the countdown to Korea grew smaller and smaller. I endured a week of intense doubt; but I forged ahead, empowered by words from Hosea.

By the time mid-July rolled around, I had devoured almost all of the New Testament and a good chunk of the Old Testament. The Lord continued to speak to me, and my heart was more open than I recall it ever being. It was a time of great joy and hope for me. I was so thankful for the opportunity to travel and teach; I was so excited for what the Lord would do in that year.

On July 28, 2009 I flew from Charlotte to Dulles to San Francisco to Seoul.

On August 14, 2009 I flew from Seoul to Seattle to Charlotte to Baltimore.

All that happened between those dates is important -- perhaps it is not too much to say that it altered the course of my life. Those days contained, without a doubt, the most intense emotions I have ever experienced: daily oscillation between joy and sorrow, hope and dejection, excitement and melancholy.

I sought the Lord but felt as if I was holding on by a thread thinner than a silk worm's silk. I tried hard to find Him, knowing He was the only one that could preserve me. He did not fail me; not once, but I was full of uncertainty. So I returned home. I smiled. Said I was thankful to be back. Said I was certain the Lord had a plan. Said I was glad for the opportunity. Said I was optimistic about the lessons in it.

The next two months were strange. My heart was a torn: I wanted to trust the Lord for whatever He had for me, and I wanted to curse Him for leaving me high and dry without a plan. Some weeks I felt powerful testaments of God's love and grace. Other weeks I wanted nothing to do with Him. As my job search continued to flounder, the latter kind of week became more and more frequent. I was slowly giving up. I was tired. I wasn't willing to try anymore. I was hurt; hurt that I had trusted and that trust had failed me. I wasn't willing to make my heart that vulnerable again. Almost everything I did was halfhearted.

Somewhere in the back of my mind -- or maybe it was the recesses of my heart -- I longed to be back in the place I was before I went to Korea. The place where I was passionate about everything: living, loving, serving, being. Disappointment and hurt left me limp as a rag doll. But part of me still wanted to love the Lord and serve Him and experience grace daily.

Although I had essentially decided I was going to give up on faith if something didn't happen, I kept telling myself to just wait it out, that eventually it would come back to me. This "season", as my Christian-ese called it, would end soon and I would be on the road to a better spiritual life. However, as C.S. Lewis learned long before I, "Mere time does nothing either to the fact or to the guilt of a sin." (The Problem of Pain)

I kept waiting for God to change so things could be back to normal. I kept waiting for the immutable, perfect, divine God of the universe to change so that I could have my life back the way I wanted. And I possessed all of the pride, arrogance, stubbornness, and stupidity of someone waiting for something like that to happen.

But recently a truth occurred to me. A truth that I have known and treasured for many years. A truth that is hard to write about because it means that fault lies in me. A truth that is cause for joy because it means I can go forward in peace and trust.

The Lord is no less faithful than He was before I left for Korea. My faithfulness has waxed and waned with an especially long bout of waning these last two months, but the Lord has remained a firm constant. Waiting for me, patiently; despite my impatient waiting for Him. The change in my plans was drastic. It shocked me, caught me completely off-guard, made me angry and sad. It changed me, but it did not change the Lord. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He is infinitely patient, loving, kind, and forgiving.

Starting now, I'm on a new journey -- a journey of re-discovery. A trek to make up for the weeks and months that I've lost; a pilgrimage to remembering what it is to trust and love and feel. I long to feel joy again, and I know, in time, it will come. Because I am turning back with grace and strength provided to me by the One who never turned away in the first place.

Eat this bread; Drink this cup

2009-10-07T00:20:00.000-04:00

There are few things I am more moved by than the celebration of the Eucharist on a Sunday morning. The incarnation of Christ is perhaps the most mystical aspect of the Christian faith and the Eucharist is the nearest I can come to experiencing His physical presence here on Earth. While I don't believe that the bread and wine themselves become holier when they are used for this purpose, I am thankful for it's representation of a tangible Savior.

The reminder of Christ incarnate by way of the Eucharist means two very significant things to me: 1) a Savior able to identify with all that I experience (Hebrews 4:15) and 2) a body not all that different mine endured incredible suffering in place of me (Matthew 27:27-46).

The breaking of bread for the breaking of the body. The pouring of wine for the spilling of blood. The humanity of the divine Christ becomes very clear to me while remaining completely astounding and mystical. As paradoxical as that seems, I think it is the essence of faith. The more we learn and understand, the more we find to seek and discover. That is beautiful; it is the mystery of Christ as man and divine embodied.

In Girl Meets God Lauren Winner writes, "For people with bodies important things like love have to be embodied. That's all. God had to be embodied, or else people with bodies would never in a trillion years understand about love."

Communing together over bread and wine does much for the edification of the Church, as well. Food and drink are at the very base of humanity's needs, and to share in them, whether over a table of pizza or in the pews, brings about a level of intimacy and deepened relationships.

Another bit from Lauren Winner: "Holy Communion is another name, and there are good reasons to speak of taking communion. Those words remind us that we are not only drawing near to God, but that we are doing the most basic and social thing, we are eating together, we are drawing near to one another."

In church buildings where stained glass windows and brightly illuminated texts have been replaced by sound systems and powerpoints, it is easy to become academic and logical about things, dealing only in reason and that which we see. To strip our faith of the element of mysticism found in something like the divine made man is to remove one of its most fundamental tenets. To be thoughtful and intentional about the Eucharist, the representation of Christ made man, is to bring back this mysticism, which is sure to open our lives to a realm we can never fully understand but will always crave to know.

Let me introduce you to my new hobby

2009-10-03T02:06:00.000-04:00

Somewhere in the middle of my 406 day blogging hiatus I became obsessed with photography. I do not use the word obsessed lightly. It happened one day in March after I shot a few pictures with my friend's Nikon D40.

After acquiring my own D40 as an early graduation present, I effectively captured the last 3 weeks of my college career in beautiful, brilliant, sharp photos. I was hooked. While in North Carolina, I was privileged to do some work with a professional photographer. I helped shoot a wedding, did some marketing and business things for her, and learned SO much. We ventured to the zoo one day to shoot for fun. I also took family pictures for the 2009 Christmas cards, especially challenging since I also needed to be in the pictures. We were trying to get a head start so that they could go out in February instead of July like they usually do.

The best thing about photography, especially photography in the digital age, is that that you can be self-taught. Every time I take a picture, I learn something new about what I like, what works, what doesn't work, and how to more effectively shoot. It's such a great learning process, and you don't waste all that film.

So far, I've enjoyed shooting our nature adventures, which is really easy to do when you live in Western North Carolina. I've attempted some inner-city shots in Atlanta, DC, Baltimore, and Seoul, but it's hard for me to just "see" what works there. Some people can take shots of buildings and they look super, ultra cool; mine mostly look like buildings. I'm still a huge fan of jumping pictures and have remained unscathed since the tailbone incident of April 2008. And finally, I thoroughly enjoy shooting kids. My niece is a wonderful practice for this.

Career? I don't think so. But, everyone needs a hobby, right?

Photos: slinky bobcat at NC Zoo; family pose in Todd, NC; Sadie on a walk

Hello, October

2009-10-02T14:52:00.000-04:00

October: the leaves change, temperatures drop, school is really in full swing, fall decorations are everywhere, Halloween - all very important and prominent parts of this new month.

In addition to all that is Fall, October is awareness month for breast cancer, domestic violence, down syndrome, dental hygiene, SIDS, and world blindness, to name just a few. The fact of it is, almost every month of the year is rife with causes to support, programs to give money to, and places to volunteer.

For bleeding hearts like myself, this means an onslaught of heart-wrenching emotion. We feel the immediacy of every cause when we see an advertisement with a lonely battered woman or a child's belly swollen with hunger or a young man sorting through trash heaps or a shaking puppy without a home. There is a part of us that could be behind almost every cause; compassion, sympathy, and hopefully empathy seep out of our every pore.

Therein lies the fundamental problem: we can't support every cause. If we tried, we would spread ourselves so thin we couldn't be of use to anyone. I have to believe there is a cause for everyone because all of us have different hearts and minds. So, how do you choose?

1. Find the cause that won't leave you alone, that keeps you up at night. Choose the one that has you day dreaming about what a world without X would look like and what you could do to make that reality.

2. Discern your passion. For example, the commercial with dish detergent being used to clean off the little animals covered in oil is touching, but it's merely a cuteness factor. The ad agency who created the commercial did a good job, but it isn't my passion. To find the cause right for you, you've got to know what you really, really care about for the long-term.

3. Know your skills. We're all talented in some ways, both natural and learned. A lot of skills are extremely transferable when it comes to this area, but some causes call for a special skill. For example, in order to advocate an increase in music education in public schools, you might be taken a bit more seriously if you have some involvement in music yourself.

4. Volunteer. There is at least one nonprofit associated with any cause and they're almost always looking for volunteers. Seek out these opportunities; they will help you determine if the cause is something to which you'd really like to commit or if its time to find another.

a letter: the mini time capsule

2009-09-30T17:51:00.007-04:00

There are few things in life I love more than a letter sent via post There is something very intentional about letter writing, something so patient and thoughtful. More than a phone call, which often results in instant feedback; more than an e-mail, the format of which almost mandates brevity; more than a tweet or text, which limits thoughts to 140 or 160 characters - I treasure letters above all of these things.

An envelope addressed to me amongst the day's mail is like discovering an unexpected Christmas present behind the tree after all others had been opened. When I lived with the Shengs, TS would joke that I got more mail then they did. He was joking, but only in part. The truth is, I am an excellent letter writer (humble, too), and the best way to get letters is to write them. I love the time that it takes to sit down and write a letter to someone - a real letter, one that details your comings and goings, lessons learned, the simplest and grandest things of life all at once, etc.

Letters are like tiny time capsules. They are written one day and arrive a few days later, unless the USPS is really off and then they arrive 47 years later. A letter freezes time and sends it off to be shared by another. Whatever happens after I lick the disgusting glue on the back of an envelope cannot be recorded in that particular time capsule. It must wait its turn for another. A letter, thus, is the perfect way to share life with people far away. Unless you write letters like e-mails or texts or tweets, then there is no summarizing, no jumping to the end of the story, no telling the main points - there is only that moment or those moments in which what really matters is present.

With my affection for letter writing comes an extreme fondness for the stationery aisle in any store. I could spend hours and hours and hours and dollars and dollars and dollars in those blessed aisles picking out the perfect stationery on which to write. On the days when I'm feeling even more creative, I pick through magazines and cut out pictures fit for a card front. If you want to make me late or seriously distract me, send me the stationery aisle in any store.

Don't get me wrong - I am often appreciative of the immediacy of technologically advanced forms of communication, and I anxiously await the day when I can send invisible thoughts to my friends via the chips implanted in our brains, but there is still nothing like a letter. Send me one. I promise I'll write back.

Wonders never cease

2009-09-29T13:38:00.002-04:00

It's been 406 days since my last blog post. That's a record lapse, even for me. For the most part, it wasn't intentional. Things got busy, of course, when I headed back to school for senior year. Then I heard someone say, "Blogging is the epitome of narcissism. Too many people who think they have something that the rest of the world needs to know." So, I needed to think about that one for a few weeks, and by the time those few weeks were over, I was too long gone to make a comeback.

And so here I am, 406 days later. It seems nearly impossible to document all that happened in those days. There was my final (and favorite!) year of college, graduation and a lot of sad goodbyes, time in both Maryland and North Carolina, an international move to Korea (yes, I moved to Korea to teach for a year), a sudden return from Korea, a funeral, an ongoing job search, and a lot of CSI episodes.

Currently I find myself in rural Maryland. The couch has more or less changed shape to fit my rear-end and I've just about seen every CSI episode ever created... Las Vegas, Miami, AND New York. Almost everyday I search online for more places to send cover letters and resumes. I'm thankful the process is online, though, or I'd be spending a small fortune on postage.

Additionally, I've burst into the retail word as a sales floor associate at Target. Organizing men's deodorant and pet supplies wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I toiled away for 4 years in pursuit of my English/Communication degree. However, I suppose it's better than "Would you like fries or onion rings with that?", which is what everyone teases English majors about.

As an aside: the fact of it is, I majored in English because I love literature, I love writing, and I love the two together. I did not major in English because it is where all the jobs are post-graduation. Practical advice to any student: study what you love.

I can't use one blog entry to fill you in on the last 406 days, but I hope that everything I have learned and am continuing to learn can come out in the days ahead... maybe even 406 and beyond. While this may be a revival of leslitab.blogspot.com, don't expect a reinvention. My plan is to write just as I always have - thoughtfully (most of the time), honestly, and, well, so that you can hear me just the way I would tell you if we were face-to-face.

Not enough persecution

2008-08-19T16:55:00.004-04:00

If I was a really knowledgeable person I would start off this post by telling you how many times Paul (and other followers of Jesus, for that matter) were persecuted in Scripture. I don't have those facts.

Now that I have admitted my lack of knowledge to you, let's proceed.

It occurred to me this morning... or was it last night?... either way, it occurred to me that I am not persecuted enough.

I can think of two times in my life that I was actually persecuted for myself after sharing Jesus with someone. Here is one story:

While I was in Istanbul, I was sitting by the Bosporus Strait with my friend Courtney. We were reading Scripture aloud and a crowd of about 15-20 teenagers had gathered around us. (It was kind of a Jesus moment.) They spoke a bit of English, although some of them just repeated lines they'd heard repeatedly in American movies. This experience made me re-think the influence of the media, but that is for another day.

We managed to tell them what we were doing in a conglomeration of Turkish and English - reading Scripture from the Incil (the New Testament; pronounced In-jeel) and learning about Isa (Jesus; pronounced E-sa). It didn't take long for us to realize that the teens who had once been so interested in us were now scoffing at us. One girl had taken my Bible from my hand; I had visions of it being thrown into the Strait. The boys were saying nasty, inappropriate things to Courtney. They had surrounded us.

Any and all reasoning that we tried was fruitless, so we made the decision to leave. It wasn't enough for about 8 of the older boys, who decided they would follow us for about 1/2 a mile before approaching us again. "Barrack!" I exclaimed. Not to be confused with the presidential candidate, this is the Turkish word for "go away". When said angrily, it means business. They finally left us after another 10 minutes of inappropriate phrases and laughter.

I was almost certain that my lesson was how to have compassion for people even when they despise you. I still had to love the people of Turkiye, even though I wanted to hate those boys. This was a good lesson, but looking back on it, I don't think it is the whole of what God was trying to teach me.

I always tell myself that I want to live a life of risk and that with risk comes failure. For some reason, I have always twisted that to mean people will think I have failed because I will not be rich, not have a 'real' job, live in some obscure location, etc. I think, perhaps, I should begin to assume those factors will just be a part of my everyday life - things to rejoice in and pray over.

And I think I should change the mantra to, "I want to live a life of risk and with risk comes persecution." I probably won't be beheaded or cut in half or dismembered, but I might be laughed at, mocked, chased, belittled and misunderstood.

So perhaps persecution should become some sort of quantifiable data for me. If I'm not persecuted x amount of times in a month, then I am not sharing Jesus enough. It is practically a given that some people will dislike me because I am a follower of Jesus but that should not, under any circumstance, stop me from sharing Him. I want to be a world changer and I want to go because Jesus compels me and I want to see justice and I want to do all of these things, but how could I even stake a claim on any of them if I cannot share Him at the risk of being mocked?

Perhaps this is what Paul means when he delights in persecution and suffering. It means he's doing it right! If the evil in the world hates him and the work he is doing, he's living this life the way Jesus has asked him to. One day he's going to hear the Father say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I want to hear that, too.

Why you should go to Europe at least once in your life

2008-08-14T11:12:00.009-04:00

Reason # 276: kinder chocolates...

I have yet to find a kinder product that I do not like. The maxis (pictured left) are a fabulous combination of milk chocolate and some type of milk-ish filling that melts in your mouth. They make these adorable little treats called Hippos (pictured below) that are, you guessed it, hippo-shaped wafers filled with deliciousness. I can't really tell you exactly what kinder products have in them because I have never been able to read the wrapper, but I can tell you that whatever they put in is guaranteed to be good.

If you're really lucky, you live near one of the few stores in the States that actually sell kinders. For example, if you live in San Francisco, there is this tiny corner store above the Stockton Tunnel next to the Tunnel Top Lounge that sells a few kinder products. Random, I know.

If not, you'll just have to get yourself over to Europe, find the nearest grocery store in almost any western European city and go to the candy aisle. Along the way, pick up some Fanta Cintron. (That was for you, D.)

Hmm... now I'm hungry. And I just ate the last of my kinder maxis yesterday.

Why hating this job is a good thing

2008-08-13T12:02:00.003-04:00

This is my third summer working as an intern for ACS, formerly Orbital Sciences. Since the summer after my freshman year of college I've been doing technical writing and editing for the company. In a non-glorified description, the company designs systems used by mass transit organizations to stay organized. And in a non-glorified description of my job- page break here, index coding here and "is this the right way to word this?"

The point is- the job is totally corporate world. I have a cubicle with my name on it, a machine made by Dell to stare at and a large reproduction room that probably cuts down 7 trees a day for all the paper we go through.

The first summer I was here, I loved this job. I thought working in an office was great- I loved the responsibility; I loved the tasks. That summer I was almost certain that I could be a corporate executive for the rest of my life with that BMW I'd always hoped for.

The second summer I felt less strongly about reaching the corner office at the top of the ladder, but I was pleased with the job and my place in cubicle nation. At the same time, I thought there might be something more for me out there.

Here I am, third summer in a row. I am still at this internship because, with the salary I make here and a few other funds available to me, I will graduate from college without any debt, thereby freeing myself up to do virtually anything. One thing I will not do: return to this job, or one like it for that matter.

My life was definitely meant for something more than a cubicle, something a little more outside of the box, pun intended. And this is the very reason why I had to have this job for 3 summers in a row- because I needed to learn that I couldn't have this job for the rest of my life.

And so, as I pretend to have control over the course of my life after college, I am setting one rule for myself: Live a lifestyle that matters. That's all, although it's no small task. I know everyone says they want to change the world, but really, I do. I want to leave the world different, better, changed.

Some may call me an idealist, and they would be correct.

(Even writing this post scares me. Now it is out there for all of you [all 2 of you] to read, which means I have to be serious about it. Zoinks.)

Choosing the rest of your life

2008-08-08T11:44:00.003-04:00

It's getting to be that time in my life. The time when the third question out of anyone's mouth when they meet me is "So, what do you plan to do after college?" It comes just after "What's your name?" And "Are you in school now?" If you're guilty of asking it, don't feel too badly for the mental torment you've caused me. Just kidding... sort of.

It is becoming harder and harder for me to be content with "I don't really know." Control-- wanting it is a flaw of mine.

I am discovering that passionate and indecisive are not the best character combination, either. Admittedly, I am both. I've always been one to go for what I want, and it's worked pretty well for the most part. The problem is this: I want to get a whole heck of a lot out of this life while I have it, which means I want a lot. To top it off, I am impatient, and I want to do it all at once.

I thought I could make a list of my top 5 passions/hopes and choose whatever profession meshed them together most effectively. But, I keep discovering more and more positions that combine things I love and feel strongly about. It's kind of a running joke I have with myself: pick a new profession every day.

I am too afraid to even put any of my ideas down in writing for the general public to see. My mind is so flighty about this that you would eventually think I'd totally lost any ability to commit. It's not true, I promise. I'm actually quite faithful... once I decide that to which I'd like to be faithful.

I'm having a bit of trouble discerning how much "work" I should be doing when it comes to searching for things. I'm also having trouble discerning the voice of God on this one- probably because I'm not fully listening most of the time. I don't think God wants to give me an answer when I ask Him a question but am not open to whatever answer He gives. He will wait for me until I am ready to hear what He has to say because His timing is just that perfect. So for now I will seek Him to soften my heart to hear and to listen.

And I will seek the Caller, not the calling.

2008-08-06T13:40:00.004-04:00

I am ready to go back to school.

There. I said it. I even put it in writing.

I find myself missing the strangest things these days. Like only getting 4 hours of sleep every night. Studying in the library with some of my dearest friends. Waking up on a Saturday morning at school under my favorite comforter. The little noise Microsoft Outlook makes when I get an e-mail. The heated sidewalks that melt the snow. (Note: I do not miss the snow.) Sitting in the dining hall for 2 hours catching up with my best friends. Living in community. Being over-committed. Professors who know more than I ever will. Not having to drive everyday. The SAC. The smell of the Chapel.

I have about 18 days until I go back to school for my senior year. It is hard to believe it's been 9 months since I was last at Grove City or in school in general. After 5 consecutive semesters of butt-kicking academics and an over-committed schedule, it was nice to take a break, but I would be lying if I said I didn't miss it. It's a strange feeling to miss something that drives you crazy most of the time. Maybe this is a love-hate relationship.

Some part of me is anxious to start senior year so that it can be over and I can start "real life". But a lot of me is anxious to start enjoying it and getting the most out of it. I have so many plans for this year, not the least of which is having as much fun as I can while maintaining a solid GPA. (That sentence right there is quintessential Grove City. Too bad the fun usually comes second to the GPA for us.)

It's odd to think that I started this blog right before I went away to college and I am now posting about my transition towards the end of college. Life flies- it's kind of scary, but it reminds me that I better live it right the first time.

Sometimes I can't believe this is my life...

2008-08-05T14:17:00.005-04:00

I just got back from Europe last night. A team of high schoolers from my church in MD went to the same conference as last year and I tagged along as a leader. We started in Vienna, Austria, went to Sopron, Hungary for the majority of the trip and then spent some time in Paris, France decompressing.

The conference was Connect 2008, hosted by Christian Associates International. It's a chance for most of their staff (275 this year) to connect, hence the name. The organization is comprised of church planters from all over Europe and this is a great chance for them to come to one location and be around people that understand them. From what they say, it's an incredible time of encouragement and bonding for them. We took care of the kids, which happens to also be an encouraging thing for parents who never have childcare.

Our team didn't just babysit, though. We are talking full-force, multi-media, over-stimulation childcare. We'll call it Xtreme Childcare, just for fun. Our high schoolers designed an Olympics-themed week with videos for every day staring 4 of our students, lessons, games and crafts. We also planned 3 themed night sessions: Pirate/Princess Party, Campfire Night and Wacky-Tacky Superhero Night. I was so proud of our team for creating and implementing such an amazing program for these kids.

I spent most of my conference time in the 0-2 year old room. When I wasn't scheduled there, I could usually be found with my entourage of 9-11 year old girls. 1.5 to 3 years old is one of my favorite kiddie ages. I just love toddlers- there is so much to explore and learn, especially when it comes to words. I just love when they repeat things you say.

Insert favorite memory #1: It's always appropriate to say thank you, especially during snack time, in the baby room. But sometimes the kiddos need a little prompting. One of my favorite little ones would always come to me for snack, and so I thoroughly enjoyed listening to him repeat "thank you" back to me in 4 different languages. Oh, these kids of missionaries.

It was also great fun to be with my fellow baby room workers. We laughed... a lot. And I mean, a whole lot. It's important to do when you have between eight and eleven children under the age of 2 in a small hotel room. It was great, though. The kids were super sweet, too. All of them, even when they cried or screamed. I really enjoyed watching the progression of moods throughout the week, too. And measuring the length of time a little one cried on the first day versus the last day. I should have graphed it; it would have been a downward slope... because those of us in the baby are just that much fun.

Insert favorite memory #2: Watching a parent leave their screaming child in the room with us and knowing that, in about 30 seconds, we will have the child giggling. Let me tell you our little secret: bubbles. Yes, bubbles. Endless entertainment for all.

Baby-girl by morning and night, 9-11 year old cool kid by afternoon- this could be my title. Last year I managed to get to know the 9-11 year old girls quite well, although I'm not sure how because I was in the baby room last year, too. Either way, being reunited with them this year was simply a blast! I ate almost every meal with them, which would make anyone feel popular.

Insert favorite memory #3: Last year, one of my favorite girls licked (literally) her dessert plate clean and took some cole slaw to one of the other leaders of our team, which he ate without any clue as to the plate's origin. This year, that same girl served dessert on a licked plate to one of the guys on our team. Really, I'll never want to eat meals with adults again.

9-11 years old really isn't my favorite age at all. In fact, I'm a little intimidated by large groups of them. It's that tween thing, or something. But these girls, they just stole my heart right away last year and I found out they still had it this year. They are special kids to me and I think it's really neat for them to hang out with me. Because, you know, I'm that cool. Not.

Insert favorite memory #4: I was able to host an almost-sleepover for the girls, too. D and I (mostly D since my materials got left in the states by accident) put together these cute little purses for them full of girly things, like chocolate and lip gloss, and we watched Penelope. It's fun for the girls to have something that is specially catered for them. They also asked me if I would do a Bible study with them for the week. We actually only met 3 or 4 times (once in the pool), but it was still really cute of them.

I didn't talk to as many missionary families as I would have liked to, but that's ok. I did a lot of connecting last year, so I was perfectly content with spending 98.9% of my time with kids. I did have dinner with a family living in Sweden one night- they were such a blessing to me for that hour or so. And I met one afternoon with a woman living in The Hague- it was great to hear about her journey. I also met Alan and Deb Hirsch. They spent some time investing in our team, something for which we are greatly indebted to them.

Now I have a lot of thinking to do about my life, which seems to be the trend for the past few month and will probably continue for the rest of my life. I left the trip more and less confused all at once. I know that probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but it was like God said no to something that I thought would be good. Having a no for that decision is fine, but it means I have to choose another option. Oh life.

I should wait until I am less jet-lagged and more aware to think about such things... Au revoir.

My thoughts on the girls...

2008-07-15T08:23:00.003-04:00

I think, for the most part, women in this world are overlooked. I'm not a feminist, by any means, but I think it's only fair that we consider the injustice of the world. Think mostly countries in the developing world but also our own western societies, and think issues like forced labor, human trafficking, prostitution and domestic abuse, among others.

I really, really, truly and strongly believe that women will save humanity if the rest of us would enable them. Here's a whole entire organization that happens to agree with me. The Girl Effect...(via Jeff Shinaberger)

The Girl Effect

The 195th day of the year...

2008-07-14T09:16:00.003-04:00

This day in history...

1789- French citizens storm the Bastille and free 7 prisoners
1790- Fete de la Federation in France celebrates a constitutional monarchy and national reconciliation
1798- The Sedition Act is passed in the US
1933- Gleichschaltung: all political parties in Germany are outlawed except for the Nazi party
1969- The US withdraws $500; $1,000; $5,000; and $10,000 bills from circulation

1987- Leslie is born in Baltimore, Maryland

Yes, it's true. In addition to the French gaining their independence and the Germans losing theirs, I was born on this day in history. And today I am 21. Today's birthday celebrations will include working a long day and going out to dinner. And that is all. Whatever happened to the water balloon tosses and pinatas? I guess it's officially time to be a big kid.

Please note: this post is, in fact, a shameless plea for birthday wishes. Just kidding... sort of. :) No really, I'm kidding.

Life- can't think of a much better topic than that

2008-07-09T13:16:00.003-04:00

Hi. My name is Leslie, and I am the worst blogger ever. It's really actually quite pitiful.

San Francisco post-trip updates have fallen to the wayside because my journals are all still in San Francisco where I accidentally left them. I'm sorry, people, I just don't have enough memory space in my brain to write chronologically detailed posts about a 3-month time span that happened 3 months ago.

I am notorious for trying, albeit fruitlessly, to revive my blog. I think nostalgically back to last summer when I was actually writing and people were actually reading. Those were the days. Perhaps I am just too caught up in feeling like I have to write something ground-breaking. Maybe I should just start focusing on my life- because that's what a blog is about anyway, right?

Well- this is my life.

It's summer time, so I am working. Technical writing and editing is the proper name for the field in which I find myself. Mostly I sit at my computer all day and correct the poor, unclear grammar of engineers. I also have the privilege of putting together 500 page manuals in Word and making sure they have no mistakes in them. Lots of page breaks. I read a lot of engineer-speak. I can think of a few things that are worse, like bamboo splints. Just kidding- it's really not that bad. The job suits the detail-oriented, grammar-nazi side of me, but the cubicle is less than satisfying.

I'm preparing for a trip back to Europe in 2 weeks. It's to the same conference we took a group of high-schoolers to last year and we'll be running a similar children's program. This year is all very organic- our students prepared it all themselves without any outside curriculum. I was out of the country for a lot of the preparation, but I am very excited to see how it all comes together. Pray for that, our time there and for our fundraising. God has shown Himself in many ways already, and I am thrilled to see how else He will reveal Himself.

I chopped off 10 inches of hair last week to donate. This was a big deal for me. I have never had long hair before- the longest was to my shoulders in second grade. Last year I was finally able to grow my hair out. Don't tell anyone- but before Thursday I hadn't had a haircut for about 15 months. Oops. Anyway, it was a big deal because I was diagnosed with alopecia when I was 4 and had bouts of it on-and-off until my freshmen year of college. So, for a lot of my life, I didn't really have a whole lot of hair. It was pretty cool to think that the hair I was finally able to have thick enough and long enough would go to someone else.

Last night I met Mary. Like, face to face kind of meeting. Pretty cool. I don't really know how we discovered each other in the blogging world, but about a month ago we discovered that we pretty much share a life- knowing the same people, going to the same church for a while, living super close. We me at Rita's and sat on a bench for quite some time. Then we went to Harris Teeter, because that is what blogging friends do, I guess.

And now you are caught up on life. I guess I am caught up on life, too, which is kind of nice. I was going to end this with some cute promise about blogging about life, but it's just silly of me to make promises to blogger.com, since that's my audience. Especially when I probably can't keep them.

Note: Someone brought a Fart Machine to the office today. Yes. I would like to point out that this is, in fact, a Fortune 500 company, complete with employees who bring fart machines to work.

Another reason I am glad to not be a porcupine...

2008-06-29T09:48:00.003-04:00

Friendship.

I don't think there is anything more dear to me on this planet than relationships. I love people. And I love my friends.

C.S. Lewis once said, "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'"

Is that not so true? And so profound?

When I returned home from DTS I wrestled a lot with whether or not I would be understood. I have great friends that are also great followers of Jesus, but YWAM is like a completely different culture with some off-the-wall ideas.

I agree with and love most of these off-the-wall ideas about following Jesus and I think they are totally Biblical, but I would have never discovered them if I hadn't gone to do a DTS. Things like hearing the voice of God and active gifts of the spirit and spiritual warfare hadn't really been taught to me, and I hadn't sought them out enough on my own to learn about them.

Needless to say, I returned home thinking there was a slight possibility I may be alone sometimes. And, while I was a little discouraged, I knew I'd eventually be OK.

Thankfully (read: PRAISE HIM!!), God wants me to be more than OK sometimes, so He blesses me in crazy ways that I never see coming.

Yesterday I spent some time with a dear friend of mine who happens to have the same name as me. We hadn't seen each other for about 6 months, so we met in the middle of our hometowns and talked for hours. We talked about everything. Everything. It was so refreshing and so wonderful.

There were multiple times during our conversation where I was forced to repeat C.S. Lewis- "What! You too?!" And I was so encouraged.

I love that God does things for me even when I do not ask Him. I love that He knows exactly what I need, exactly how much of it I need and exactly when I need it. He is the Provider, this I know for sure.

Thanks for not making me a porcupine

2008-06-28T00:42:00.003-04:00

You know those days? Yes. Those.

Today was one of them.

I had to take Sally Saturn (my car) into the shop this morning. She had a fever.

When I got to work, I discovered that the space bar on my keyboard now sticks when pressed and inserts about ten spaces where I only want one. Probably from the gigantic cup of tea I spilled all over it yesterday.

Car repairs = $303.00

I went to catch the metro to meet a friend in DC and as I pulled into the metro parking lot, she called to cancel because of weather. It was pouring.

I got stuck in the metro parking lot because I didn't realize I couldn't pay with cash and had to have a SmartCard.

I cried. In the parking lot. By myself. While my car windows fogged up.

I spent a total of about 45 minutes sitting in my car/driving around the parking lot before finally going through the rain to spend $10 on a SmartCard with only $5 worth of credit on it. Then I paid $4.25 for hanging out in the parking lot for 45 minutes.

I stopped at the best pizza place in the area on the way home and got some comfort food. I managed to make it out with only one awkward encounter which involved me ordering the same thing from two different employees and proceeding to pay at the incorrect register. Go me.

On my way home I saw a hedge hog (even though I thought it was a porcupine at the time). And I had to say (out loud to myself in the car)-

"Jesus, thank you for not making me a porcupine. If I was a porcupine, I couldn't have ridiculous days like this - days that cause me to remember my own inability to control life. And days that keep me humble."

The Nintendo Wii is great therapy for this kind of day, especially if you play Super Mario Galaxy.
Also, I AM LEGEND has a wonderful redemptive analogy, even though I practically hid behind a pillow for half of the movie.

That is all.

Because we're all the same

2008-06-23T16:36:00.005-04:00

I came into all types of ministry in San Francisco wondering how I would relate to these people who just weren't like me. I grew up in suburbia, I've always had a house (2, in fact); I drive a car, go to school and have a job; I'm clean; the only crime I am guilty of is speeding. There were so many pre-determined judgements in my mind. Most suburbanites, were they to be truly honest with themselves, would be able to admit the same. Why else would we lock our car doors as soon as we crossed the city limit line?

If there is anything that ministry in San Francisco taught me that I want to bring back to suburbia it is this: we are all the same. Yes, every single one of us. No one is a greater sinner than I and, most importantly, no one has a greater need of Christ than I.

Robert is one of the most manly-men I have ever met. His life took a wrong turn in college when he got in trouble, went to jail and never quite recovered from the blow. He lives on the street because he doesn't like the shelters, he smokes, it's an effort for him to not curse, his hair is long and a little oily most of the time. Never in my life have I met more of a servant: Robert will help anyone. If you're blessed, he will even share his tender heart with you. He tirelessly helped paint our whole entire base for nothing but a meal every day. He defends the weak and can't stand to see people being walked on. He is a great bringer of justice, and I think he is something of what Jesus would have been like.

And this was ministry in San Francisco some of the time -- hanging out with Robert and people like him who are just trying to make sense of this strange life we lead. And this is why we are no different. The earthly consequences of our actions are different; the weight of our inability to save ourselves is equal.

I need Jesus to save me from a spirit of pride as much as the dealer on the street needs Jesus to save him from addiction. I am no better than him because my life seems together. Neither one of us can make it on our own, and who am I to pass any judgement that says otherwise?

These lessons were humbling and encouraging all at once. There is salvation for all of us, regardless of how heinous our sin is, and all sin is heinous. The man who sleeps on the sidewalk by night and deals crack on it by day is no different from the girl who makes excuses for not doing something and ignores someone when she doesn't want to talk to them.

And Jesus loves both of us dearly. He loves you dearly, too.

--
This was not how I intended this post to turn out, but my fingers just started going. I was going to tell you what I actually did for ministry in SF, but this will do for now. The way ministry transformed my heart is much more important than what I did anyway.

Previously:
The Story
Like the first day of school...
The City That Knows How

Wow

2008-06-20T13:24:00.002-04:00

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for an emergency announcement to tell you that God is seriously amazing.

Today I got a call from my dad telling me I had received a partial scholarship for next year from my college, which I wasn't even a student of last semester. I have absolutely no idea how I received it or how I was even considered for it, but I got it. The fund was set up by Dr. McKenzie, one of our past presidents, in honor of his late wife, Florence E. McKenzie. It's given to students who walk in and pursue a Christian lifestyle while on campus. (Kind of ironic since I spent the last semester doing just that off of campus. Tee hee hee.)

I have never done anything to throw myself into the scholarship pool at school because, despite my need for it, I never thought I would be eligible. All I did was follow God, even when it meant changing my major 3 times, volunteering for way to much stuff on campus, and scarily dropping out of college for a semester to go to a city I knew nothing about with people I had never met before. On my highly-competitive and highly-motivated campus, this is often equated with going off the deep end, despite the fact that it is a Christian school. But look- they awarded me a scholarship for it!! Isn't God funny [read: awesome] like that sometimes?

It strikes me more and more everyday that God doesn't ask a lot of me. I mean, He really doesn't, if you think about it. So often I hear God asking me one simple yet profound and challenging question: "Won't you just believe me?" And when I choose to answer yes, amazing things happen. (Case in point.) When I choose to say maybe or possibly even flat out no, which I usually demonstrate by trying to come up with solutions on my own, I usually end up flat on my face.

Have you simply believed God for something? Did something gigantic happen?

By the way, this scholarship completes my college payments for the 2008-2009 school year and leave me some extra. All in all, this means my undergraduate education is paid for in full. No debt here... bring it on, Law School!

We will now resume with your regular broadcast. Coming up next... Life in the TL

The City That Knows How: San Francisco

2008-06-17T10:40:00.008-04:00

I chose to apply to the San Francisco base for a number of reasons.

1. I love California. And I wanted to give the West Coast a try.

2. It's specifically urban focused, and I didn't want to be in the middle of nowhere.

3. I thought it would help my mom say yes if I was to spend a majority of my time in the US.

4. The previously determined outreach location was Europe.

Everything about the San Francisco base fell together in what I thought God wanted for my life and even what I enjoy. Funny how that works, isn't it?

Being urban was really important to me before I went, and it became even more important to me after I got there. And believe me, we were urban. The base is located on Ellis St., which happens to be in the Tenderloin. Perhaps you've heard of it... probably not. The Tenderloin is touted as the worst neighborhood in the whole entire city- no exaggerating. It got it's name back in the 50's when the police officers patrolling the rough district were paid a higher salary than officers elsewhere in the city. As a result of their higher income, they were able to buy the better cut of meat- the tenderloin.

Now, the Tenderloin has become a sort of containment cell for the homeless, drug-addicts, prostitutes and destitute. On a map, the Tenderloin is a right-angled triangle. In person, it's a maze of streets full of the most colorful people you'll ever meet. The way it is explained to me: Essentially, the criminals, addicts, homeless, etc. live in the Tenderloin because police don't bother them as much as in other parts of the city. Tons of drug deals go down every day on the Tenderloin's streets, and that just wouldn't fly in the Financial District or Fisherman's Wharf. People get busted everyday for all kinds of crime in the TL, as we affectionately call it, but your chances of getting caught decrease when 50 other people are doing the exact same thing at the same time one block away. Makes sense.

The sidewalks of the Tenderloin are full of people, all the time. Whether it's 4 am or 4 pm, the place is hopping. It's not unusual to walk by someone counting crack rocks in their hand or see people shake hands with an obvious exchange of money/drugs. Fighting is a regular sight and it wouldn't be the TL without a lot of yelling. A quiet day in the TL is never a good thing. If it's quiet, you should be worried. There are corner stores on almost every corner. Some are safe; others- not so much. You can buy anything from liquor to frozen dinners to socks to one Nyquil tablet. (Yes- one tablet.) You don't see very many kids and you don't see very many women, unless they are prostituting. After living there for a while, you meet the regulars- the guys that will always wave to you and always talk to you, regardless of their general coherence. You also become less naive, not necessarily a bad thing in most cases.

Please don't let the Tenderloin scare you away from this amazing city. I talk about it with so much affection because I lived there for 3 months. I don't feel called to long term ministry with the inner-city's poor, but I loved getting to know these people. They aren't scary, most of them aren't mean- they just fell into a pit they couldn't get out of. We've all been there in some way.

The TL isn't the only part of this magnificent city. The financial district bustles during the day, with approximately 2 million people working in it, compared to the less than 1 million people that actually live within the city limits. The buildings are tall and beautiful- the architecture in this city is incredible. And, I've never been in a city with so much culture, so close together. San Francisco is known for it's immigrant populations, but it's something you have to see to experience. Simply crossing one street can put you in a neighborhood that doesn't even feel like something in the US, which is amazing! There's excellent ethnic food available all over the city- Thai, Mexican and Indian were my three favorites.

There's room for the finer things in life, too. The shopping... well, the shopping is way out of my budget unless we're heading to H&M. The city boasts stores such as Neiman Marcus, Bulgari, North Face, Coach, Kate Spade and loads of other "high class" stores. There are plenty of fancy restaurants and lots of tourist attractions.

Oh! There's the beach, too! Technically, the beaches find themselves outside of the city limits, but who really cares as long as you can take the bus there. Remember the "Baker Beach Bash" from Princess Diaries? Yeah- when Mia gets set up by doofus-popular-boy and Mandy Moore... I went there. It's an amazing beach with an amazing view of that really important bridge.

San Francisco is one of those places where things happen. Perhaps you've heard of two small enterprises called Google and Apple- they come out of San Francisco. The city is not behind on anything, making it an excellent place to be if you like to be on top of trends that could change the world. The people are excellent, the culture is diverse and there is always something new to see.

Up next... Hanging out in the TL

Previously:

The Story

Like the first day of school...

Just like the first day of school

2008-06-14T10:40:00.000-04:00

On January 7th I arrived in San Francisco, California. I’d had a thirteen hours worth of travel, beginning at 2:30 am. I was there to begin my Discipleship Training School, something that I thought would teach me a bit about missions and city life.

Things I remember that I shouldn't remember:

I remember that the guy driving the van to/from the airport wanted frozen burritos for lunch and looked like he was about 18. I soon learned that he was one of my school’s 3 staff members and was, in fact, 26.

I remember thinking I had arrived at some strange hippie compound because the girl that met me at the luggage carousel had out of control hair and a floppy knit beret similar to something Bob Marley would wear. Mostly she just has a lot of hair and normally dresses like a European.

I remember meeting my roommates and wondering how on earth one of them was going to fit all of the stuff she brought in our little room. Turns out most of it piled up at the bottom of her bed every night.

I remember thinking that I would never figure out how to find my way around the second floor of the base. It’s really just a rectangle with rooms on both sides.

Of course I remember thinking that I would either marry someone from my school or find the best friend I never knew existed. Neither one of these turned out to be true, and I am very okay with that.

I remember thinking I was going to get in trouble because I didn’t have health insurance yet. It seems as though no one really cares about silly things like this.

I remember thinking that one of the students was on staff at the base because she was greeting everyone and asking how their travels were. Really, she's just the nicest person you'll ever meet.

Things that I don't remember that I should remember:

I have no recollection of actually meeting anyone on our team. I remember meeting some people at the airport, but other than those few it was like we all just knew each other. I have absolutely no recollection of meeting any of the leaders.

I don't remember anything about the base or Ellis St. I think I was so disoriented that I had absolutely no idea what the two of them actually looked like. Maybe I wasn't even looking...

I don't really remember any of the conversations I had this day. I know the girls took an unnecessarily long walk to Fisherman's Wharf and that I had dinner with some of the staff that night, but I cannot tell you what we talked about.

It really was like starting school. Well, more like starting college. At first, this whole feeling really messed me up because I had to figure out who to be. (Read- slight identity crisis). I was with people that had never met me before, in a city I had never been to... I could have been whoever I wanted to be. And, along the lines of memories, it was just like starting college. I remember meeting one person my first few days of freshman year. One. And I probably met about 150 in one day. Why is it that we remember strange things?

Up next... San Francisco

Previously:
The Story

I'm back... with a story

2008-06-12T15:51:00.004-04:00

Dormant: the best way to describe what this blog has been for the last 5 months.
Thankfully, for both my blog and for Mt. Vesuvius, something dormant is capable of erupting again. So, I present you with Summer Blog Eruption 2008. Not as grand scale as a volcano but still significant.

I figure there is no better topic to start off with than where I’ve been for the last 5 months. The immediate answer is simple- a Discipleship Training School (DTS) with Youth With A Mission (YWAM). The blogging answer is much more substantial. I’m talking days, possibly weeks, worth of blogging here, people!

This is as much for me as it is for you, as it gives me a chance to rehash everything I learned and experienced during the course of my DTS. If I were to be the only one reading, that would be okay.

One thing you should know before reading further is that I will not be writing in order of events. This is mostly because I left all of my lecture phase journals in San Francisco and will have to wait a few weeks before I get them. Oops.

But, let me start at the beginning. Frauline Maria says that is a very good place to start.
What is DTS? If you’ve never heard of it, then you are about as knowledgeable now as I was when I committed 5 months of my life to the program. It is part lecture, part field work and all experiencing God.

There is a 3 month lecture phase followed by a 2 month outreach. There are over 1,000 YWAM locations, but the DTS follows this general structure regardless of location. The lecture phase brings in a different speaker each week, and I’ll talk more about those individual weeks in the future. Each YWAM base is run differently based on the preferences of the leadership, but this is the gist of things.

The base in San Francisco is specifically urban focused. It's located in The Tenderloin, San Francisco's roughest neighborhood, and lecture phase included lots of ministry in the city. More on that later, though. Also, our outreach locations were major cities around the world- Istanbul and Izmir, Turkey; Rome and Pescara, Italy. Being urban is significant for a lot of reasons, most of which I will touch on later.

I'm still having a hard time coming up with one statement that will do justice to the whole experience. I can say that it was, without a doubt, the most transformative experience of my life to date. Yes.

Well, I think that's all for now. Plenty more to come, I have to pace myself.

Up next... Just like the first day of school.

You may remember these from when I didn't know what I was getting myself into: Applying and The Moment

2008-06-06T12:49:00.001-04:00

This is an amazing piece of writing- http://www.time.com/time/politics/article/0,8599,1811743,00.html

I actually cried. I don't think something could be more dead-on about America's view of poverty.

Good news...

2008-05-22T04:06:00.002-04:00

I've successfully finished my DTS as of tonight's (Thursday) graduation.

I have a plethora of stories to tell.

I'll probably get back to blogging this summer.

All three of those are pieces of good news, I think. :)

2008-01-24T17:46:00.000-05:00

Greetings from San Francisco!
In case you haven't noticed, blogging seems to have fallen by the wayside for me. Things are going exceptionally well here, but I just don't have the time/internet availability to post all the things that are happening.
I will say that this is an incredible experience. If you do want to hear all about it, e-mail me or comment with your e-mail address and I will most certainly add you to my supporter list.
That's all for now.

Yes, We Did This

2007-12-07T17:22:00.001-05:00

This is my Bible study from this semester. With our special guest, Beth Moore. (Please note the symmetry in this picture. It is perfect.)

We ended our time together last night with a delightful Christmas party where we all dressed like Beth and took this picture. We also did various other Christmassy things like a white elephant and an ornament exchange. This is the definition of awesome, and you can't deny that.

In all seriousness, these women have meant the world to me this semester. It was such a blessing to delve into the Word of God with them and to grow and learn alongside of them. They are each an inspiration to me in their own unique way. Treasures! We did Beth Moore's study "A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place". It was all about the Tabernacle and everything that went with it. It was such a fascinating look at reverence and ceremony translated to our modern lives. I have a much better grasp on what it means for my body to be a temple now. It was an incredible study... with incredible people.

2007-12-05T23:32:00.000-05:00

You know those days? Yes... those. The ones where nothing really goes right.

You only got 3 hours of sleep the night before. You had to give a persuasive speech. It was snowy and icy and windy and cold. And you hate cold weather. You met with a professor and they told you they needed more time to process and decide how they felt about the speech you just gave. A speech you worked very hard on. At least 10 people complained to you about how you wouldn't be around next semester. And they told you all that you could be involved in; all that they wanted you to do. And you were tired and emotional. Then you spent your afternoon and evening in the library doing work.

Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel... you and some of your Bible study girls were going to go out for dessert at 9. You clean the snow off of your car, pry your doors open, and scrape a lot of ice. You arrive at Eat N Park, excited for your smiley face cookie. Things are looking up.

And then you lock your keys in your car.

Your spare key is 8.5 hours away in North Carolina. It's approximately 6 degrees outside and you're at a restaurant. Your door isn't even closed all the way, but it's closed enough to lock. Your AAA membership expired 15 days ago. Campus Safety won't drive 5 minutes off campus to use their tools to unlock your door. You have to call a towing company and pay $40 that you do not have for a man to use something that looks like a wire hanger to unlock your door. It takes him all of 2 minutes. You calculate that if he unlocked cars for an hour straight, he could make $1200 an hour. Seriously?

And then you can't help but laugh (and cry a little, too)... Because God has the best sense of humor ever. He really really really does.

2007-12-03T13:23:00.001-05:00

I was going to write an English major inspired post about the snow falling and my suitemates and I decorating for Christmas, but then I remembered that I really don't like the snow and we decorated for Christmas last night when it was pouring down rain. Not so poetic after all.

Things are actually slowing down here for me. Finals week is coming up, but I don't mind finals. We don't have classes, so all I have to manage is studying for some very long tests. Not too bad. All of my extra-curriculars will be officially over after tomorrow night and my last Bible study for the year is on Thursday. It's a little crazy. I cannot believe how quickly this semester has gone (and how little blogging I have done about all that has been going on).

In 34 days I will be on a plane preparing to land in San Francisco to embark on what will probably be the biggest adventure of my life to date. That's a little exciting. By a little, I mean a whole lot. It seems like I was just thinking about whether or not I wanted to apply for YWAM. Yet here I am, 3 months later, prepping to go. Go! Wow.

The Lord has been teaching me so much through the preparation process. I can't begin to imagine how much He is going to teach me when I am actually there. It's going to be mind-blowing, life-altering, etc. I can't wait! Above all I have learned that the Lord rewards trust and obedience. He rewards it so much that it makes it all worth it! He is so good like that. I love it. There is nothing better than what He continues to surprise me with. I keep thinking of one of Beth Moore's favorite lines: "There's no high like the Most High." I just love it that when I think about this time of preparation I can't keep the smile off of my face.

All He asks for is a little faith and self-control...

2007-11-23T17:20:00.001-05:00

Just before Jesus brought Lazarus back from the dead, he said to Martha, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" (John 11:40)

Certainly the glory of God will manifest itself in many ways in each unique life. I am not waiting for anyone to be revived from the tomb, but I can think of a few things that would reveal the glory of God to me. At the top of the list is my fundraising for YWAM. (Can you tell YWAM is all I think about now?)

I keep reminding myself that I must believe. Believe.

Before the Lord parted the Jordan River so that the Israelites could pass through with the Ark of the Covenant, Joshua told the people, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you." (Joshua 3:5)

He said this to a nation known for messing things up. A nation that had made its share of idols, wandered in the desert, and been very ungrateful. I've had my idols; I've wandered; I've been ungrateful. The Lord is calling me back to obedience before He will do amazing things.

I keep reminding myself that I must obey. Obey.

Here it is...

2007-11-20T00:39:00.000-05:00

Just in case you were dying to read my support letter for YWAM... I think writing the support letter is one of the hardest parts about any missions trip I've ever gone on. It's because I want to do everything on my own. The Lord is reminding me every day that I can do virtually nothing on my own. He is so good!

“Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight.” (James 1:27, MSG)

This past summer, in Europe, the Lord began placing an intense desire in my heart to do something more, something bigger, in the way I serve Him. My past missions trips have been incredible experiences, and I felt He was urging me to think broader. I always thought this would mean going to an underdeveloped nation, but He has begun shaping my heart for something a bit different.

It is estimated that well over 3 billion people live in cities today; approximately half of the world’s population. I think it’s fair to say that going to a city provides you with a pretty good audience for sharing the Gospel of Truth.

So, that’s just what I’ll be doing. On January 7, 2008 I will be flying to San Francisco, where I will begin my Discipleship Training School (DTS) with Youth With A Mission (YWAM). YWAM is an inter-denominational missions movement with over 1,000 locations in 149 different countries. More specifically, their DTS programs aim to equip and prepare students (like me!) to reach the nations and future generations with the Truth.

I will spend 3 months in San Francisco on a base with 25 other students. We will spend some time in classes learning about global missions, our faith, and God’s call on our lives, but a lot of our time will also be spent on the streets of downtown San Francisco. Much of YWAM’s urban outreach is providing basic needs along with truth in love, so we’ll be doing a lot with the city’s homeless and drug addict population.

After our 3 months in San Francisco, we’ll be traveling to Rome, Italy for another 3 months of very similar work; reaching those who have come to the city searching for something more. In Rome, our team will join with local churches who know the city. We will support them in whatever way we can and, in the same vein as our time in San Francisco, we will love people. That’s what it is all about anyway—loving people in the name of Jesus.

I’m really, really, really excited about this opportunity that has been placed before me!! I have been so encouraged by the staff of YWAM, and the Lord continues to reassure me that this is where He wants me. But, I do need your help.

First and foremost, please pray! I can’t begin to tell you how much weight prayer carries. Some things to pray for:

o A spirit of calm and closure as I prepare to temporarily postpone my college career (I’ll go back senior year to finish up)

o For the Lord to keep me excited about His path for my life

o That He would squash all worry/doubt that creeps into my mind; that I would trust Him to do so

o For YWAM staff as they continue to accept people to the program and make further plans

o Last but not least, for my fundraising

The last request brings me to the next way you can help. The grand sum of this experience is $5,375. This is more than I have ever had to raise and, let me tell you, the Lord is definitely teaching me to trust Him. I would be so blessed if you would be willing to support me financially. Per YWAM’s policy, all checks must be made out to me, and I promise you that your donation will go directly from me to YWAM.

I am so looking forward to the ways in which God will change my life and the lives of others on this trip. I already know that He is going to do some tremendous things—things that I can’t even begin to imagine. Thank you in advance for partnering with me. Whether you choose to support me in prayer, with a donation, or both, I am eternally grateful for your support.

Blessings to you,

Leslie

The most convoluted post... ever

2007-11-17T23:44:00.000-05:00

I've been "home" in Maryland for 24 hours. It's been the most taxing 24 hours of my whole semester... And I'm here for another week.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. A lot of thinking about the American way, materialism (my own included), the grace of God, His timing (and how I don't understand it) and so much more.

I'm tired of the way I've been living. I can't help but recall H.D. Thoreau's words: "Simplify, simplify."

I'm ready to be somewhere else.

2007-11-12T15:02:00.000-05:00

Hello Loyal Blog Readers. I call you that because you must be pretty loyal if you're still lingering here after my absurdly long hiatus during which I wrote nothing of importance. Except that post about my niece; she's pretty important.

It's a rainy Monday here in Grove City. Neither of those things surprises me since, well, Mondays happen every week and it rains a lot here. There is something so picturesque about today's rain. I'm watching it from my spot in the library, as it pelts down on the brightly colored leaves. Most of them are on the ground now, but a few stragglers are holding on to their branches. The sky is cloudy, but it's not as depressing as it usually is. Maybe it's just the unnatural lighting of Henry Buhl Library. Either way, it feels refreshing.

[Please note: The previous paragraph really made me feel like an English major. I don't really even talk like that.]

This semester has been my craziest in the two and a half years that I have been here. 18 credits and more extra-curricular activities than one could imagine. I definitely over-committed myself, but I had a blast doing it. Who needs sleep anyway? I kid you not, I average 4 to 5 hours a night. But that's not the point.

My biggest lesson so far this semester: if you're lacking something, give the teeniest, tiniest bit that you have to the Lord and he will give it back in huge proportions.

When you don't have enough time, give the 30 seconds you've got to Him and He will miraculously extend it to 30 minutes. You have no idea how many times I said, "Lord- I do not have time for all of this stuff. Could you make my day longer than 24 hours please?" And you know what? He did!

When you don't have enough energy, use your last breath to say, "Help! I need a lift!" He'll give it to you. I think it is physically impossible to survive on 3 hours of sleep per night for a week, but I've done it. I've done it only by His grace and His power. I can't tell you how many times I called out to Him when I felt my eyelids drooping. He's way better than a triple (or quadruple depending on your tiredness level) shot of espresso. Trust me on this one.

When you're so busy you can't even think straight; when the knots in your back muscles are getting so big from stress that you can see them; when you're running from this to that and back to this; when you're supposed to be at 3 meetings at once... call to Him. He is an excellent giver of peace (and anything else we need).

Sometimes on those days... you know the ones I'm talking about- the ones where you feel like you're going to crumble into little pieces if something doesn't lift... I like to imagine Him sitting somewhere above me with a bucket full of peace. He loves to lavish that upon us! When we ask, He just dumps it right out. And along with peace come all the other fruits, too! Love, joy, patience... He is so good to us.

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." -Isaiah 40:29

It's hard to believe that it is November 12. I'm going "home" to Maryland on Friday for a very nice, long Thanksgiving break that will last until the 25th. Then, when we come back, we have 2.5 weeks of classes before finals. I have 2.5 weeks to say goodbye to a whole lot of people. There are seniors that I will never see again- that is a weird feeling.

Whew- I've missed this whole blogging thing. It's refreshing. But, I am in the library, and the library is not a place for blogging... ? What? Either way, back to the books.

2007-11-03T14:28:00.000-04:00

Hey look! I'm an aunt!

This is Sadie. She was born on Friday at 7:30 am... almost a month early and weighing only 4 lbs. 15 oz.

So exciting!

Please do this...

2007-10-16T00:14:00.001-04:00

Take a look at this calendar on the World Vision Experience: AIDS website. There are dates up through December 2008.

If you can make it to any of these events, please do it! It takes about 20-25 minutes and it's incredible. I know you think it's just another exhibit, but it's not. That's why they call it an experience.

Please please please go! And take everyone you know with you.

For more info, go here.

2007-10-10T23:39:00.000-04:00

"Life is lived in moments."

It's funny how one moment can change everything. And by everything, I mean most likely the rest of my life.

Yesterday I was sitting in my room drafting out some public relations material for our school's upcoming production of Crazy for You. It was a pretty mundane activity.

Then my phone rang. The screen said, "Private No."
I thought, "No way. It can't be them already."
I tentatively answered the phone; "Hello?"
"Hi. Is this Leslie?"
"Yes."
"This is Audrey from YWAM San Francisco, we talked last week." (Not that she needed to tell me this. I already knew it was her.
The next few minutes were a blur. "You're application was very thorough. You had some great one-liners. We prayed about it..."
I kept waiting for a "but...".

It didn't come. Instead... "In case you can't tell, we've decided to accept you for next semester."

And then I peed in my pants.

Ok, I didn't really pee in my pants, but I did squeal with joy. It was a moment.

"Life is lived in moments."

In the mail....

2007-10-03T15:23:00.000-04:00

Wow!
This envelope of goodness will determine next semester/the rest of my life/the next 500 years.
Good stuff.

For those of you confused- This is my application for a YWAM DTS in San Francisco.

Unmade

2007-09-27T20:04:00.000-04:00

"At that moment, as her eyes first rested on his face, Jane forgot who she was, and where, and her faint grudge against Grace Ironwood, and her more obscure grudge against Mark, and her childhood and her father's house. It was, of course, only for a flash. Next moment she was once more the ordinary social Jane, flushed and confused to find that she had been staring rudely (at least she hoped that rudeness would be the main impression produced) at a total stranger. But her world was unmade; she knew that. Anything might happen now."
~ C.S. Lewis, That Hideous Strength (emphasis mine)

I couldn't add any insightful commentary to this if I thought about it for the rest of my life.

I can only say that I want my world to be unmade.

Interesting Fact # 148.7

2007-09-21T15:24:00.001-04:00

My roommate and I like to have dance parties to Celine Dion songs.

Yes, it can be done.

Insignificant Post aka My Brain Needs a 5 sec. Break

2007-09-12T00:33:00.000-04:00

I think you should know that you are reading the blog of a famous person. A very tired, very over-committed, very busy, and very caffeinated famous person.

I've always wondered what it would be like to have my face enlarged and plastered on a billboard. Now I know... it's not all its cracked up to be.

Also, please note the ironic diversity in this picture. The student body at Grove City College is comprised of approximately 3% minority groups... Leading one mother to ask, "Are those people real?" Yes, in fact, we are real.

Up to my ears in academia

2007-09-06T21:40:00.000-04:00

I really thought I was going to be a consistent blogger this semester. Thus far I have failed at being anything near consistent when it comes to blogging. I think it's because I like to have some sort of intellectual aspect to a post, but by the time I get around to having time to blog at school being intellectual is the last thing I want to do. So, I substitute a spontaneous roommate dance party for blogging. It's not as satisfying as clicking the "Publish Post" button, but it requires a lot less brain activity. In fact, it requires close to no brain activity.

The semester is going really well so far- all 17 days that I've been here. I was part of Orientation Board, a group of about 100 students who come early and then help get the freshman get settled. It was an absolute blast. OB basically consists of preventing sleep by doing crazy things like a graffiti dance, ice cream and a movie under the stars, Olympic-like games, a carnival, a square dance with karaoke, and a street dance. We have a great time, and it's awesome to get to know the freshman.

Classes started last Monday and, well, once again my plate is full. I'm taking 18 credits- don't ask why. However, I think I'm really going to enjoy my classes. I'm taking Writing for the Media, Symbolic Logic (bleh), World Literature: Asia, Public Speaking, Journalism, and Modern Christian Writers. It's a lot of reading and writing, but those are what I love, so it's all good. Extra-curriculurs are starting to pick up, too. OB took up all my "free-time" for the first 2 weeks, and now SGA and Homecoming are stepping in to take up whatever is left.

In other great news, we've started Bible study again. We're doing A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place by.... surprise!... Beth Moore! We have a lot of new girls this semester, which is really exciting. Our group is still small (7 girls, 2 leaders) and intimate, which is one of the things I love about it! I'm so excited to grow with these women!

I will leave you with a quote and something I've been pondering (and hope to elaborate on later) simply because I need something intellectual/thought-provoking in the post.

"A man was meant to be doubtful about himself, but undoubting about the truth; this has been exactly reversed. Nowadays the part of a man that a man does assert is exactly what he ought not to assert - himself. The part he doubts is exactly the part he ought not to doubt - the Divine Reason. Huxley preached a humility content to learn from Nature. But the new sceptic is so humble that he doubts if he can even learn. Thus we should be wrong if we had said hastily that there is no humility typical of our time. The truth is that there is a real humility typical of our time; but it so happens that it is practically a more poisonous humility than the wildest prostrations of the ascetic. The old humility was a spur that prevented a man from stopping; not a nail in his boot that prevented him from going on. For the old humility made a man doubtful about his efforts, which might make him work harder. But the new humility makes a man doubtful about his aims, which will make him stop working altogether.... We are on the road to producing a race of men too mentally modest to believe the multiplication table. We are in danger of seeing philosophers who doubt the law of gravity as being a mere fancy of their own. Scoffers of old time were too proud to be convinced; but these are too humble to be convinced. The meek do inherit the earth; but the modern sceptics are too meek even to claim their inheritance. It is exactly this intellectual helplessness which is our second problem."
-G.K. Chesterton [emphasis mine]

Is it possible to be too humble?
In our quest to be humble do we often become prideful- thinking, "I am doing such a good job of being humble?"
Does our 'humbleness' turn into self-disdain or self-doubt the renders us useless (the nail in our boot)?

Europe Overlooked

2007-08-28T10:43:00.001-04:00

It seems to me that one of the latest mission fads for the college to 20-something age group is "The 3rd World Country". Before I continue let me offer this disclaimer- "I love 3rd world countries and I love the work God is doing in them and I love the people He has chosen to meet the need in them. I'm all about 3rd world missions." That said, I will now continue with my thoughts on missionaries in so-called first world countries.

Europe, a primarily first world continent, is one of the darkest places on the planet. Did you know that less then 1% of France's population are evangelical Christians? Less than 1%... let that sink in for a moment. I used to think it was tough to be in a high school where I knew around 10 believers. This is a whole stinkin' country!

JulieJ, a church planter in Aix, France, explained it to me like this- America is founded on Judeo-Christian principles and values. Whether a person is a believer or not has little to do with whether or not they live by these values. We live by them because we live in America. Our government was established on these very principles, and, assuming that you are a law-abiding citizen, you are a part of the Judeo-Christian system. In most of Europe (particularly France) history of thought takes precedence over law and governmental traditions. The core belief system was created by the philosophers (Decartes, Voltaire, etc.). Almost all of them were humanists- a lifestyle which propagates man as his own god.

Consequently, most Europeans are turned off by any faith that has some sort of higher ruling system. Add an often harsh Catholic background and you've got a recipe for rejection of an established church. This continent doesn't want church the way Americans do it- not a church of dos and don'ts or shoulds and shouldn'ts. The mega church formula won't work in Europe.

I think we overlook Europe in missions too often because we are so focused on the countries in physical need. These countries are so important, but we can't forget about Europe just because it seems like another America just across the pond. The long-established church in Europe isn't doing its job, and Europe is crying out for people to reach her in a way that is real. She's calling for a different way of church; for a Gospel that is presented without the brick and mortar building in which it's so often been confined.

Europe is important. It's also probably overlooked by most of us. This includes me. That is- until now.

Lessons in Leadership- Sopron, Hungary

2007-08-25T09:54:00.000-04:00

This is the first time our team has joined with another team to serve. We've partnered with existing missionary teams and other indigenous leaders, but we've never really been a part of an experience where 2 outside groups came together to serve. For this trip we served with a group of 6 (4 adults, 2 college-aged) from California. At least one member of their group has been in charge of the childcare for the conference for the past few years.

Upon arrival we immediately knew hat our leadership styles were very different- I think the tension was palpable for both teams. We knew that our working relationships would be a little strained when it came to the tasks on which we would work together. Our patience was going to be tested. This is not to say that their team wasn't needed or that they didn't contribute to the children's program- it was just different and it presented our team with an unexpected challenge.

Luckily, our team thrives in unexpected challenges.

It was a significant experience for me for a lot of reasons, and I think the Lord really used it as a smack in the face and an encouragement all at once.

It was a smack in the face because I've been so spoiled and blessed with the teams I have led and the leaders by which I have been led. SPACE leaders pour into their teams with encouragement, positive challenges to grow them, etc. We're not interested in babying them or shaming them. As leaders, our goal is to grow more leaders- that is our most important role. Our teams are evidence of this.

Please don't read this as me saying that our way of leadership is the only way or that our students have "arrived" because of us. They came to us as great people and they will leave us as great people- we just get the absolute privilege of watching them grow with an incredible team dynamic.

As a leader of anything, it's crucial that you don't squash the people you're leading. It's about taking acceptable risks in your ministry. If someone wants to try something new- give them the responsibility they desire when you think they're ready. Use your judgment, but don't be afraid to hand things off to people- that's the only way they'll become leaders themselves. And, the ultimate goal of a leader is to replace yourself.

Continuously encourage the people you're leading. They need to know you're behind them and that you support them wholeheartedly. On a few of our trips we provide our students with envelopes to decorate and use as mailboxes. Team members then use the mailboxes to leave notes to each other- who doesn't love getting notes in the mail? If you, as a leader, think highly of the people you're leading, they will think more highly of themselves. When they think more highly of themselves they feel empowered to do big things. Forcing them to do things your way or talking down to them are not going to be beneficial to their own growth or to the team itself.

Leaders really do have a tremendous impact on the team's attitude. It reminds me of the saying, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." For a leader, it's more than being happy, but you get the point. The ones you're leading will take something as seriously (or not seriously) as you do. If you're doing just enough to get the job done, it's likely they're doing the same or less. If you're going above and beyond the call it's likely they'll be motivated to do the same.

A leaders presence really can set the tone for the day, so everything that you do or say as a leader is incredibly important. It's changing the next 500 years.

2007-08-20T07:58:00.000-04:00

How do you sum up 11 days and 3 countries in a blog post? Here is attempt #1.

Awesome.

There- done. No, not really. Our trip was awesome, but it wouldn't do it justice to only write about it in one word or probably even one blog post.

This trip was so different from the ones we've taken in the past. The location, the people, the tasks- everything was different. Everything was also incredible.

Of course I'll need a few more days of processing before I can spill everything to you in 15 trillion blog posts, but I figured now was a good time to start with some photos to hold you over until I post again.

Use this link to see the pictures individually on flickr.

Great kids. Amazing parents. Good food. Awesome team.

2007-08-14T07:45:00.000-04:00

Have you ever typed on a Hungarian keyboard? Because I am... And it is challenging. It took me forever to find the apostrophe, which happens to be shared on the ˝1˝ key. Then it took me a while to find the ´Y´, which is located at the bottom left-hand corner of the keyboard. Don't get me started on all the additional keys that have letters with accents I've never seen before. It's an adventure. Much like this trip, which has proved to be quite the adventure in a way I wasn't expecting.

I am overwhelmingly proud of our team and the way they are handling themselves. They are just incredible in the way they interact with the children and in the way they persevere. We're off for another kids session this afternoon and then again in the evening. The evening will be the first time our team leads the session completely... we'll be introducing Pirate Sven (more on that later). Pray for us to be a blessing to these awesome kids.

Thanks for all the prayers already- I know our team has felt them!

P.S.- You can't spell check an entry written in English when blogger is open in Hungary. The fact that there is not one English word on the blogger page should have given that away right away.

2007-08-11T15:25:00.001-04:00

We're here! It's hard to believe, but we actually made it- all 15 of us with our 28 suitcases. Our flight through the night on Wednesday went very smoothly, and we arrived in Vienna, Austria at 8:30 am (2:30 am EST) on Thursday. We spent the day touring Vienna. It was magnificent! I also went to the opera. Yes, the opera... in Vienna. Incredible.

We came to Sopron, Hungary on Friday morning by bus. It's beautiful here in the Hungarian countryside. Our hotel is very nice and our teens have been having a blast with the kids that are already here. The full group arrives on Sunday night- that will be an adventure.

You can pray for our team- for energy, patience, and creativity. This is a unique trip for us and not like anything we've done before, so it's like uncharted territory.
For the CAI missionaries- that this continues to be a time of rest and relaxation for them. And for the rest of their week of fellowship.

Unprecedented

2007-08-08T02:07:00.000-04:00

I'm really excited about our trip tomorrow... which is now technically today. This will be my fourth summer trip with SPACE , the missions component of the high school ministry at my church. My first trip was to NYC after my junior year of high school. I don't think we had any idea how much God would do with the ministry from that point on. A few high schoolers, 2 leaders, and a church van with an interest in culture and Jesus- that was pretty much us. The next summer took me to Brasil as a co-leader with an amazing team. Last summer took me to Cameroon, again as a co-leader. I can't even believe how much this ministry has exploded, and to have been a part of it has been one of the biggest blessings ever! Ever!

All of these trips have really shaped who I've become. Well, that's not wholly true- the Lord has shaped who I've become, but He's allowed me to see so many parts of Him through these trips. Each trip has been some kind of wake-up call for me, and they have opened my eyes to so many things. New York taught me lessons in diversity. Brasil taught me relational evangelism. Cameroon taught me about hospitality and sacrifice. Perhaps one day, when it's not 1:58 am, I'll elaborate on these.

Before every trip I have felt excitement mixed with a bit of anxiety. But the emotions preparing for this trip have been unprecedented. There is no question in my mind that God will move and move big... and the anticipation has nearly struck me dead a few times. I. Can't. Wait. To see what He has planned.

"Then the LORD said: "I am making a covenant with you. Before all your people I will do wonders never before done in any nation in all the world. The people you live among will see how awesome is the work that I, the LORD, will do
for you." -Exodus 34:10

I'm even getting excited thinking about all the blog posts I'll be able to write... if I ever find the time. The blog will be a little quiet for the next 2-3 weeks. I've got quite the schedule coming up. I could bore you with all the dates, times, and details, but that would be... well, boring. Here's a brief summary: Europe - 1 day at home to hopefully see Naine family from Africa - back to school - freshman orientation - classes (ah! who thought of those anyway?) - life.

Hopefully I'll be able to share one or two brief updates from Europe and I might be able to drop in once or twice within the first week of school to say something/anything. (For example: "I'm not dead. I promise. The end.") That would just have to be enough for you.

Oh, and in case you were wondering... I titled this post unprecedented because I really like that word. It just rolls well.

And we're off... almost

2007-08-06T11:42:00.001-04:00

Dear Praying Friends-
The time has finally come! After months of preparation and prayer, my team of 14 and I will be flying off to Europe (Austria, Hungary, and Germany) on Wednesday. I can't believe the trip is finally here. I am filled with excitement and anticipation, and I can't wait to see how the Lord will use our team for His glory. It's sure to be a beautiful ride.

A little refresher on what we'll be doing: we're serving with an organization called Christian Associates International, an umbrella group for missionaries serving in Europe. They're having an annual conference in Sopron, Hungary, and we're going to host a Vacation Bible School program for all of their children. These missionary families are making a huge impact all over Europe, where only about 3% of the population are evangelical Christians, so we're really looking forward to serving them in this way.

Things for prayer:
- The leaders: Tony, Deanna, Greg, Erin, Emilie, and myself
- The students: Elly, Tricia, Sven, Trevin, Robyn, Michelle, Lindsey, Katie, and Emily
- Traveling safety (Oh, and it would be nice to fly without any delays, too!)
- For our hearts- that we would be prepared with a selfless faith, keeping in mind that what we're doing will change the world for someone 5, 50, 500 years down the road
- For the CAI families- that this would be a time of rest and refreshment for them and that they would be blessed and encouraged by our presence
- For the CAI kids- that they would have fun! And be blessed by all of the things we have planned for them.
- For the big picture- that we'll get it. This isn't about one week of VBS or hanging out with some missionaries; it's about sowing seeds that generations after us will reap.
- For the team- unity, courage, patience, love, servant hearts, positivity, flexibility, togetherness, etc. (You know- all the stuff that makes a good team.)

Thank you for support, love, and prayers. I can't wait to share all of our stories with you when I get back.
In Him,
Leslie

Not-so-small groups

2007-08-02T14:01:00.000-04:00

Last night I had the chance to get together with one of my small group leaders from high school. It was so great to catch up with her, as we haven't gotten to really talk in about a year. And talk we did.

It made me think about how important that group of girls was to me. We met on Tuesdays from 7-9 for 4 solid years, and even now it just seems right to have Bible study on Tuesdays. We usually had 8-12 girls including our 2 leaders. We started with the name game (even thought most of us had known each other for years) and high point/low point. Also, there was some type of delicious, usually high-in-fat snack that I would eat too much of.

But a small group is so much more than that. A small group is huge.

It was accountability. These girls knew all of my shortcomings. They put up with me through a lot, and they offered a lot of tough love. Friends are great because they see things you can't, and a friend who will point the hard stuff out to you is a true gift from God.

It was consistency. The same girls- week after week- made it easier to build a lot of trust. I felt confident dumping my mess out in front of these girls every week. It was a place of openness- sometimes with a lot of tears.

It was laughter. Yes- you're allowed to laugh while studying the Bible. In fact, I would encourage it. I had so much fun with these girls! We had so many moments that were just so precious and are burned into the back of my mind forever.

It was honesty. I'd like to believe that I'm not naive when I say we were all very honest with each other. If we didn't do the study for the week, we said we didn't do it. No shame- none of us were perfect, after all. We also asked a lot of questions.

It was learning. From our leaders and from each others. We also learned from experience... and our own share of drama. We talked about everything, and I mean everything. Oh, and those Biblical truths that I learned- those were great, too.

It was togetherness. We did all sorts of things together outside of our Tuesday nights. Sleepovers, shopping trips, parties, and the like. These girls became my closest friends on so many levels.

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and
good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of
doing, but let us encourage one another- and all the more as you see the Day
approaching." -Hebrews 10:24-25

I can't imagine what high school would have been like without these girls by my side. Leaving them and transitioning to college was tough, especially since I didn't have a steady small group for the first year. Now I have one, and I can't even begin to tell you the difference that an intimate group makes in your life. You have to have that kind of support and love.

What's your small group story?

Flying: An Exercise in Flexibility for the Type A Personality

2007-07-30T20:47:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been to Dallas? What's it like this time of year? Scratch that- I don't even care what it's like. Right now a flight to DFW is one of the only flights leaving from Charlotte on time, and I just want to get out of the airport. My flight to Baltimore, on the other hand, is 2 hours and five minutes late. Too bad the Lone Star State and the Old Line State aren't a little bit closer.

I think the Lord is trying to teach me a lesson in flexibility. What do you think?

I'm the first to admit I'm not the most flexible person. [Read that last sentence like this: Leslie is a careful planner and likes to know exactly how things are going to go.] Yet, here I am, sitting in the airport, approximately 10 minutes into my delay. I'm trying to fight the urge to strangle an airline employee. Just kidding... sort of.

Seriously though, this has to be some sort of preparation for later on in life. I know the Lord would not allow such cruel and unusual punishment to come upon my type A personality if He didn't have something great planned. So, I'll sit back in my not-so-comfy chair next to some not-so-happy travelers and read my book.

Edit: It is now 1:30 am and I am finally home. My flight from Charlotte, originally scheduled to leave at 8:10 pm, left at 11:20 pm. On top of this, the bag I checked came back to me practically shredded and covered in black stuff. Maintain maximum flexibility, maintain maximum flexibility, maintain maximum flexibility...

The Fab 4's

2007-07-29T22:12:00.000-04:00

I was sort of tagged by Mary at Not Before 7. (Is that not the greatest blog name ever? Her header will explain it if you go to the page.) Be amazed that I've even done this. I'm that girl that you send these things to in an e-mail and never get a response. That being said, here goes...

4 jobs I have held:
1. Babysitter extraordinaire (best job ever)
2. YMCA Childcare provider (crazy children)
3. Freedom Contractors, LLC (yes, i worked construction)
4. Orbital Sciences Intern (technical editing- translating engineer-speak into English for normal people like you and me)

4 movies I can watch over and over:
1. Mary Poppins
2. Sense and Sensibility
3. When Harry Met Sally
4. anything with Audrey Hepburn in it

4 places I have lived:
1. Dad's house in Maryland
2. Mom's house in Maryland
3. Boone, NC
4. College dorm in Pennsylvania

4 TV shows I watch
1. CSI Las Vegas (over and over and over again if I could)
2. The Closer
3. Project Runway
4.

4 places I have been on vacation
1. Barbados
2. Disney Cruise
3. Cancun
4. All over Italy

4 favorite foods
1. A good chicken quesadilla
2. Pasta... any and all kinds
3. Chick-Fil-A
4. Meat- yes, pretty much any kind. You don't even have to tell me what animal it's from as long as it's cooked.

4 websites I visit
1. gmail
2. bloglines
3. facebook
4. cnn

Mary was on to something by not tagging people. Perhaps it was a lack of obligation that made me want to actually do this meme. Hmm... interesting. Here are some blogs I've been reading lately-
1. Tarrah at Blue Eyed Babies
2. Bent Objects... for the artsy side hidden in me
3. Chris at Come to the Table
4. Travis Cottrell

Speaking of Travis Cottrell... can I just show you this picture we took tonight? Thanks.

Technorati Profile

2007-07-29T16:24:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the lack of blogging. Well, I guess I'm not really that sorry because real life is so much better than blogging.

I've been spending time here...
With these adorable not-so-little-anymore children...

And my wonderful little family...And in approximately 2 hours and 6 minutes I will be seeing Travis Cottrell in concert at my family's church. Life is sweet...

Back to the real world on Tuesday....

2007-07-26T16:24:00.000-04:00

I'm all over this like white on rice. I need a new template. I'd make one myself, but my knowledge of HTML stops before it starts.

Learning friendship the hard way

2007-07-24T11:23:00.000-04:00

In my post full of minutiae, I included the fact that my senior year of high school was the best year of my life so far. I wasn't lying. Contrary to the experience of most seniors who are going stir-crazy and are very ready to get out, I was having the time of my life. Leave it to me to be different, right?

Let's start somewhere near the beginning. After a dynamic set of childhood/pre-teen years, I became a Christian at the age of 14. Suddenly, I thought I was too good for "public schoolers." I was very judgmental, and I had very few sincere friendships from school. I isolated myself to "church friends". I was just as snobbish as I had always been, but this time I convinced myself that I was "protecting myself from worldly things". I believed that staying away from people who drank, smoke, cussed, etc. would help me grow spiritually.

Looking back I can't help but wonder- "What on earth was I thinking?!? Had I grasped anything in the Gospel?" I had become so selfish, thinking that my Christianity was about me becoming a better person and me doing the right things. I tried to eliminate sin from my life by eliminating the sinners. Turns out, I was the worst of them all. My pride was more out of control than any weekend drinking binge, and the faith that had started so strong had become completely ritualistic.

In the middle of my junior year things started improving- I started to get to know people at my school. It's funny how you can live in the same place, go to school with the same people for 11 years, and still not know anything about them. I started taking an interest in missions, and I went to New York that summer to serve with Urban Impact. One lesson that stands out from the trip: there is an inherent, deep hunger in people for the love of Christ, regardless of their lifestyle.

Senior year- I had decided that, if the Lord would help me, I was going to love and serve these people to death. I think there are two ways we can learn a lesson: 1) through trials with mistakes or 2) with positive reinforcement. Usually the first has to happen before the second, and by senior year it seemed I had finally learned enough from number 1 to move on to number 2. I made so many real, amazing friendships, and I learned so much from the people I had previously avoided. It was humbling. In addition to that, peripheral things started falling into place, like classes, college planning, extra-curriculars, etc. Things were great- to God alone be the glory.

My lessons in friendship... learned the hard way:

1. Be genuine- don't seek out a relationship so that you can convert someone. People aren't stupid- they know the difference between genuine interest and ulterior motive.
2. Talk to them about them. Most of us could talk about ourselves for hours, and we feel special when someone is interested. Be the person that is interested.
3. Love them- St. Francis of Assisi said, "Preach the Gospel at all times. When necessary, use words." People will know something is different about you, so don't worry about reciting the book of John the second time you see them.

"'The most important one,' answered Jesus, 'is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.'" - Mark 12:29-31

Mostly Minutiae

2007-07-20T10:52:00.001-04:00

I think it's time for you, my dear blog readers, to learn some things about me. Prepare yourself, as the list goes from the sublime to the ridiculous and back again. So, this is for all of you... All... 4? of you... Here I go- things about me as they come to me:

- I used to be addicted to Mt. Dew.
- I am scared of higher level math.
- I sing in the shower, but you wouldn't want to hear it.
- I love traveling.
- I love airports.
- I find flying to be one of the most relaxing things ever... Mostly because I don't have to do anything.
- I hate all condiments. Yuck!
- At home I am a picky eater.
- In another country I'll eat just about anything.
- I used to cry a lot- with every emotion (happy, sad, scared, excited). Especially with movies. I'm getting better.
- I have to fall asleep facing the door.
- I like small beds- I want to feel cocooned.
- College taught me how to nap.
- I never do because I don't have time.
- I only sleep 4-6 hours a night when I'm at school. 6 hours is a good night.
- I'm over-committed and I love it.
- I believe a little bit of stress is good for you.
- I said a little bit!
- I can't stand when people crack their knuckles, neck, back, etc.
- I also don't like the sound of people dragging their feet while they walk.
- I am constantly correcting people's grammar.
- I can usually keep the corrections in my head.
- Sometimes I blurt them out.
- I think every person born in the U.S. should leave the country at least once if they are ever afforded the opportunity to do so.
- I have 3 more continents to go before I've been to all 7.
- I'd like to finish by the time I'm 30.
- I can't believe how blessed I have been to have traveled so many places.
- I can't believe how blessed I am. Period.
- I'm a sucker for alliteration.
- And good grammar... except in blogging.
- And a good short story.
- Or novel.
- I would listen to music 24/7 if I could, but I don't.
- I can't stand when people walk around campus with their iPods.
- Sometimes I do it, too.
- I love Target.
- I can't say the same for Wal-Mart- they're different in the North.
- I had no idea what kind of college I wanted to go to.
- 2 years into college I still have no idea what kind of college I want to go to.
- Senior year of high school was one of the best years of my life so far.
- I like all things Southern.
- I once tried livermush.
- I'd eat it again.
- I've eaten meat from an unknown animal... more than once.
- I can't resist Take5 bars or any other combination of sweet/salty.
- I am easily distracted.
- Or I am so focused on the task at hand that I don't notice anything else.
- But I can multi-task.
- I am always thinking about something.
- I don't like when people ask me what I'm thinking about- I'll tell you when I'm done thinking about it.
- I'm an only child.
- But I have four siblings.
- None of us are adopted, I'm smack in the middle, and the younger two aren't related to the older two at all.
- Divorce makes for fun family trees.
- I'm right-handed.
- I played sports for 14 years.
- Softball was my first true love. After that I added basketball, volleyball, and soccer.
- Now I run. A lot.
- I've never broken a bone.
- I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed a week before I went to college.
- I was more scared about that surgery than I was when I had knee surgery.
- I don't like when people touch my face.
- My love language was never "touching".
- I'm getting better- I can handle hugs now.
- I like dressing up.
- I can be very girly.
- I'm making up for the stage in my life where I only wore navy blue and black t-shirts.
- My mom hated that stage.
- I've never dyed my hair.
- Maybe that's because I didn't have any for a while.
- I can tell you more about that some other day. And I will. Maybe.
- I can tell you the name of every teacher I have ever had.
- And the subject they taught.
- I love teachers.
- I also love wise moms.
- And funny moms- they're the best.
- I used to be the most inconsistent blogger ever.
- I think I'm getting better.
- I'm starting to lose interest in this list.
- It's too long.
- I'll be impressed (very impressed) if you made it this far.
- I'm stopping now.
- One more thing- I'm a recovering perfectionist. I'll probably make a long list while I'm driving home tonight of other things I should have put on this list.

Thankful Thursday

2007-07-19T07:58:00.000-04:00

"Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!" - 2 Corinthians 9:15

1. Going to see Beth Moore with my mom on Friday- what a huge blessing that was.

2. Having my dad in the same state as me until next Friday- it's nice to be able to hang out with him and see him in the office. I just really like him!

3. The beautiful weather we've been having- it's been perfect for running, and I love coming out of the office at the end of the day to a huge blue sky with the perfect smattering of clouds.

4. For my birthday weekend- I had so much fun, even though I really didn't think it would be all that great.

5. Running- I just love it. I never really understood people who said they loved running, but now I do. It's so refreshing, it keeps me in shape, and (with the exception of the music from my iPod) it's quiet.

6. Hungary team- this team of amazing high schoolers and their leaders has been such an encouragement to me. They're so passionate about the work that we'll be doing there- it makes me so excited to serve the Lord with them.

Kind of like a MasterCard commercial

2007-07-17T09:10:00.000-04:00

Getting your un-believing mother to come see Beth Moore with you... Having her ask you to get her a copy of Get Out of that Pit (the first Christian book she will ever read)... Seeing her hold and read a Bible for the first time in her life... Watching her clap and sing along to Travis Cottrell's worship... Seeing her eyes get misty when something hits her in just the right spot... Hearing her vocally agree with Beth Moore... Holding her hands and looking her in the eye to tell her that Jesus loves her and is more than enough for her... Knowing that seeds were planted...

"What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow." -1 Corinthians 3:5-7

I've written this post about 8 times in my head and about 4 on the screen, but I still can't adequately describe Friday's events. My emotions going into the conference ran the gamut from excited to scared out of my mind. I knew God could do huge things, and I trusted Him to use the whole day in the way He wanted. However, in the back of my mind, Satan kept whispering (shouting, really), "This was wrong. You should have taken someone else- someone who already knows the Gospel; someone who will be comfortable here. This is going to set you back."

Thankfully, God is more good than I can even begin to explain. We went forward in leaps and bounds. I've never seen my mom open up the way she did. She's never been willing to ask me questions like the ones she did during the conference- I think she's always been afraid of condemnation and guilt. There was no condemnation and there was no guilt. Getting to share the Gospel with her, a Gospel that isn't about what we do or how we "fix" things, was incredible.

My favorite moment from the conference came at the end. Beth had us stand up and hold the hands of the person we were with and look them in the eye. Then she had us repeat to one another a message that was essentially the Gospel plus a few little key phrases from the talk(s). Talking to my mom about anything Jesus-related is unnerving, as she's never been very accepting. This time was an exception. The Lord gave me an unwaivering confidence (and voice) just when I needed it. I have never felt such a God-rush before. Looking my mother in the eye- telling her that Jesus loves her, that He is more than enough for her, that He has a plan for her, that He died to forgive her- that was sweet.

Isn't it awesome that I can trust the Lord to take the great work He has begun to completion?

Oh, and just in case you were wondering, Beth talked about her hair within the first 10 minutes of her first talk.

[Edit: If you would like to read my collection of notes from the conference, click here. The link will take you to box.net where you can simply click to download. Enjoy!]

The End of the Teenage Years: A Photo Essay

2007-07-15T00:12:00.000-04:00

As of today, my teenage years are officially over. I don't feel any different, and I don't have anything insightful to say about turning 20, but here are some pictures. A real post about something more meaningful than leaving the teenage years behind is soon to follow.

Birthday dinner with the girls

My little Orioles fan

A little Bible study reunion at the wedding

Mother of the groom

And, I think this is my favorite picture
from the whole entire day

2007-07-13T23:59:00.000-04:00

"Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory."
And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live."
Then the LORD said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen." -Exodus 33:18-23

I can't even begin to tell you how great the Glory of God is.

More on this later...

Because a thankful heart is a happy heart

2007-07-12T14:18:00.000-04:00

Another week finished and a new list of things for which to be thankful.

1. Friends- I have the best friends in the world. Really, I do. I love that one minute we can be acting like crazy girls and the next minute we can be talking about deep things. I love that I learn from them and grow with them, too.

2. Getting my nails done- I know that sounds really girly. Well, it is really girly, but it was SO nice! I took myself to the mall tonight between work and babysitting and got myself a full set of tips and a nice little hand/arm massage. I feel like a new woman. (Not really- I just wanted to say that.)

3. Kids- I just love 'em. So innocent. Tonight I heard the sweetest bedtime prayer ever. It reminded me that God can use those little mouths and hearts in big ways.

4. The weather- At the beginning of the week, temperatures were 100 degrees and above. It was miserable- hot, humid, and unbearable. Today, I walked out of the office and the sky was a perfect blue with beautiful, pure white clouds, and it was the perfect temperature. It was so refreshing- and God made it!

5. For tomorrow- Can I be thankful for tomorrow already? Well, I am. My mom and I are going to see Beth Moore in DC. I am so excited and nervous and happy and anxious. It's a roller coaster of emotions!

Speaking of Beth Moore and my mom- can you join me in praying? Mom and I head down to DC early Friday (7/13) morning. The conference starts at 9 am and ends at 3. Even if you just take 15 seconds to lift it up to the Throne, that would be awesome. I know God has huge things planned for this conference- I've been on my knees begging Him to let it be huge things for my mom. Don't worry- there will definitely be a post about it.

Will the real heiress please stand up?

2007-07-11T20:18:00.000-04:00

It's been hard to ignore the presence of Paris Hilton in the news these past few months. Despite her trip to jail after driving with a suspended licence, her empire continues to grow- reaching to the far corners of the acting, modeling, recording, and clothing industries. She's everywhere.

She calls herself an heiress. And she is- to very nice, large line of hotels and a lot of money. She's written a book- Confessions of an Heiress. She's put out a perfume- "Heiress". (What does an heiress smell like, anyway?) She has Swarovski crystal-studded pink stilettos that say, none other than, "Heiress". She is definitely under the impression that being an heir to the Hilton fortune is important.

I'm sure it's nice to put Swarovski crystals on every electronic device you own and have accessories for your dog that cost more than my entire wardrobe, but I can't help but think that the things Paris is heir to must be highly unsatisfying at the end of the day. Does she know how much more there is to which we can be heirs?

To be a child of a Hilton would have it's perks, but to be a Child of God- that's a completely different story!

"The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs- heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." -Romans 8:16-17

Not only am I His child, but I am an heir of the glory of His throne! How incredibly astounding is that? I've got Paris beat by a miles and miles and miles.

I don't have to deal with paparazzi. I don't have to keep up "an image." I don't have to work the party scene or be the hottest socialite out there. That extra 5 pounds is okay, and that zit that appeared over night won't bother anyone. I can be me.

I can be me and still be forgiven, accepted, and treasured. I can make mistakes and know that the promise still holds. I can turn my back on God and know that I'll find an out-stretched hand the second I turn around. I can run away and still hear Him calling me back.

To become an heir of the best throne there ever was/is/will be, all I have to do is ask, believe, and trust. Ask for forgiveness. Believe in hope. Trust in love. Gain an eternity with Him in a place of unimaginable perfection. Sounds like a sweet inheritance to me.

2007-07-09T14:46:00.000-04:00

For as long as I can remember, I've been creating these elaborate plans involving how I would spend the rest of my life. A teacher, a missionary, a CEO, a marine biologist, a doctor, a lawyer, a wedding planner, everyone's favorite suburban mom, a lab technician, a nurse- you name it, it was probably part of my plan at one time.

The point was- I always felt like I needed to have an answer to the infamous question:

"What are you going to do?"

It only got worse when I had to pick a major based on what I thought I wanted to do with the rest of my life. There was incessant questioning: teachers, parents, friends, friends' parents, and even strangers. An even worse interrogation came from me. There was a lot of pressure: the desire to take control, take a stand, be someone or something in the world. There I was, at the age of 17, trying to pick where I would go for (potentially) the rest of my life.

As it turns out, I picked wrong the first time. Oh, and the second time, too. A little older, a little wiser, and with 2 majors already behind me, I was feeling pretty confident. Not! I was a wreck. With my track record, I was only confident that I would pick the wrong major for a third time.

People kept asking the same question over and over again: "What are you going to do?"

One very long night of my freshman year, I bawled myself to sleep. I didn't know that there could be that many gasps and tears inside one person- I don't know how I didn't wake both of my roommates. In the dark of our room, I found myself lying on the top bunk, tears streaming down my face with my hands raised in the air. I was giving up.

The next morning, eyes still puffy and red-rimmed from all the crying, I stood in front of a mirror in the bathroom and admitted, "I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what to major in. I am not in control."

Suddenly (although it had really been the case all along), it didn't matter what I was going to do. It mattered what I was doing. It didn't matter what I was good at. It mattered that I found something I loved. It didn't matter that I couldn't see 10 years down the road. It mattered that I was living in the here and now. It didn't matter that I wasn't in control. It mattered that He was and is.

It's not about getting the job or having the master plan or looking "put-together." It's about knowing my passions. I'm passionate about people- learning from them and getting to know them for them. I'm passionate about words- I love putting them together and taking them apart, like a puzzle. I'm passionate about serving the human race. I'm passionate about laughter- it is contagious. I'm passionate about cultures. I'm passionate about working hard. I'm passionate about faith and worship. I'm passionate about Jesus- He is so big, and He is so in control! (That's just to name a few.)

"What are you going to do?" I can answer the question with confidence now: I have absolutely no idea. But, I'm okay with that.

What are your passions?

Blushing Blogger

2007-07-06T10:09:00.000-04:00

I was surprised yesterday to find that Katherine at RaisingFive had nominated me for some "bloggy" awards- the Reflection Award and the Rockin' Girl Blogger. My initial thought went something like this- "Hmm. Bloggy. I like that word. Sort of like what I would call my blog if it were a pet. Come here little bloggy..." Then, once my brain actually started working, I felt like Sally Field- "I can't deny the fact that you like me. Right now, you like me!" I am humbled.

Now it's my turn to hand out these awards. I'm going to do things a little differently, as I'll be nominating two guys (gasp!) for the Reflection Award. I'd give them the Rockin' Girl Blogger one, too, but that would be a little strange. The truth is, when I look at all the blogs that I read, these two guys have to be in the top 5.

Before I begin, here's a little bit about the Reflection Award.

"As for my award, it is called The Blogger Reflection Award. Why? The reason for the title is because this award should make you reflect on five bloggers who have been an encouragement, a source of love, impacted you in some way, and have been a Godly example to you. Five Bloggers who when you reflect on them you get a sense of pride and joy... of knowing them and being blessed by them."
"This award is for the best-of-the-best so consider who you pick, carefully. This award should not be given to just anyone. If you're going to do the award don't just write a few words and slap it on your blog. Write real thoughts about these bloggers and what they've been to you, and if the bloggers you pick have already been given the award, don't be afraid to give to them again. They deserve it as many times as it's given."

1. Tony- We've known each other for about 5 years now and it's been a wild ride. We've traveled to New York, Brasil, and Cameroon, and we have an upcoming trip to Hungary- following where the Lord takes us with our gaggle of high-schoolers. Tony has been a friend, a mentor, and a teacher... All on top of being a great blogger. (He's the one that introduced me to blogging.) He's passionate about missions, saving the planet, his family, serving the Lord, and other cultures.

2. TM at don't call me veronica- Tony is an extremely talented and passionate writer. In fact, he's published. His writing is humble, and he speaks truth in almost every post. His desire to follow the Lord is inspiring. He's also crazy about his family- which is awesome. His priorities are in line. I love reading this blog, and I think you will, too.

The next three will get the Rockin' Girl award (because they're girls!) and the Reflection Award.3. Elizabeth at battlelines414- We met in Florida at Humana 2.0 and have stayed in touch since. She loves the Lord and serves him daily as a mom, a wife, a servant, and a youth leader (of sorts.) She lives life on the wild side- supervising ropes courses! She's definitely a free spirit and I just feel better after reading her posts. She also makes me think... a lot.

4. Deanna at my tiny voice in this big world- Deanna happens to be Tony #1's wife... and I absolutely love her! She blogs about pretty much everything- her kids, politics, Disney, education, silly blogging quizzes, faith... You name it- she's probably written a well-thought out blog entry on it. She's one of the most creative people I know- and she's rockin'!

5. Amy at Flexible Dreams- She was my Bible study leader for all 4 years of high school, a time of huge growth for me. Now she has assumed the position of full-time mom of two beautiful (and often hilarious) children. She blogs with honesty, which is something I appreciate most in a blogger. Some of her posts make me absolutely crack up (these are the one that include recent conversations with her son), while others make me think a lot.

Technically I still have 2 more Rockin' Girl awards to give out. Of course, I'd give the Reflection Award to these two blogs as well, but one already has it and I think every girl/woman is unanimous on the second one.

- Katherine at RaisingFive has been one of my top 3 favorite blogs for the longest time. I have laughed and cried while reading her blog. She shares some of life's invaluable lessons and also the stories of how she had to learn them the hard way. If you couldn't tell by the title of her blog, she's passionate about her family, but she's also passionate about loving the Lord and serving Him in every part of her life. She inspires me.

- Beth and Amanda at The LPM Blog. What girl/woman wouldn't want to nominate them for this award? Another blog where I find myself laughing until I cry or crying until I laugh. What an incredible ministry and love for the Lord these two women have!

Where are your manners?

2007-07-05T10:43:00.001-04:00

We all learned our manners when we were little. We'd ask for something and someone would respond with, "What are the magic words?", or "What do you say?". Sometimes they would repeat the question, trailing off at the end and raising their eyebrows. They were asking for just a little nicety.

Please and thank you.

I find that please is a lot easier to say than thank you... especially when I'm talking to God.
- "Can you please help me find my wallet?"
- "Can you please give me some peace and quiet?"
- "Can you please give me patience?"
- "Can you please make that person like me?"

I'm pretty good at using my manners when I want something. But what about after I get it? Sometimes I don't even give Him a flippant, "Thanks." Hello! The King and Creator of everything just gave me something and I can't even take 15 seconds to say, "Thanks for that..."

Thanks to Tarrah, I discovered Thankful Thursday. Conveniently enough, today is Thursday and I am thankful.

1. For the 4th of July and what it represents- freedom, courage, independence, community, and history. Oh, the parade and fireworks are nice, too!

2. For my dad- it is becoming increasingly clear to me that he really would do anything for me, and it's nice to still be someone's little girl.

3. The things that seem little but are still significant- the rush of crossing the finish line of my first 10k, finding my wallet (after a tearful mental breakdowns, 4 hours of frantic searching, and one cancelled credit card), a hometown, a summer rain, and friends that really care.

4. For God's Word- the more time I spend in it the more I learn and the more I grow. (Who knew?!) I know that seems pretty obvious, but He is repeatedly revealing to me so many things about Him in so many new ways. There is so much in that Book.

5. For the bigger picture- the perspective that the world is so much bigger than me, that He is so much bigger than me, and that I'm not in control of anything. Scary and exhilarating all at once.

"You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever."
-Psalm 30:11-12

Getting creative

2007-07-03T10:51:00.000-04:00

I've never felt very creative. My painting is limited to paint by number, my drawing to stick figures, and my pottery to that "thing" I made in elementary school.

But I finally had a breakthrough. I made something from very little.

I go running after work every day, so I bring the running essentials with me and change before heading over to the lake. Yesterday was just like any other day... Or so I thought. Shirt. Spandex. Shorts. Shoes. Socks... oh gosh. Socks, where are you? Oh no! I have no socks!

I immediately made an executive decision- there was no way I was going to drive through rush-hour traffic, turn around, and come all the way back to Howard County just for socks. I needed an alternative. My shirt- can't cut that up. No socks- too many blisters. Paper towels- they're a little scratchy. Hmm... toilet paper? Yes, that could work. Toilet paper socks. Breathable, cheap, and available- this is something I could get behind.

Yesterday I ran 5 miles with toilet paper for socks. I am not ashamed. (Even if you are somewhat ashamed to have just read that). As I was running (and occasionally glancing down to make sure I wasn't trailing any TP behind me), it occurred to me that we are all creative. Some of us paint well, others can write well, and those of us who are especially blessed make socks out of toilet paper.

We are creative because our Creator is creative.

"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing." -Isaiah 40:26

Talk about making something out of nothing- how about making everything out of nothing. Toilet paper socks or not, I can't compete with that. And even though there isn't any competition for "Top Creator", I am certainly struck with the sense that perhaps we all underestimate our own creativity. Made in the image of God, we all have some creativity in us- we just have to seek it out, grab hold of it, and use it. Just like every other gift we have.

I get comfortable with my gifts. Does that make sense? I "know" what they are- I've taken the Spiritual Gifts Inventory, the Myer's Briggs, and the StrengthsFinder tests. It's easy for me to fall into the trap of thinking that I'm using them just because I know them. Two questions I must ask myself: 1) Am I really using them for the Kingdom? and 2) Am I doing as much with them as I can?

Creativity isn't passive. I don't have to make something, but I have to do something. My creativity can change a life, and our creativity can change the world. Creativity needs to come in the form of challenging the status quo. We can: send, bless, pray, trust, forgive, bring joy, go, serve, speak up, do, remember, help, stand, think, give, honor, care, listen, change, love.

These things are creative. These things are different. Creativity is different. And you and I- we're different.

-----
For some notes I took on Creativity from a guy way smarter than me, go here.

And, in case you were wondering, the toilet paper socks weren't the best idea ever. They started to shred in my shoes about 1.5 miles into the run. Proving that sometimes creativity means a bit of failure and some lessons learned with it.

2007-07-02T16:45:00.000-04:00

She's coming!

In November I will be the (very) proud aunt of a beautiful baby niece.

A more substantial post is (possibly) soon to follow.

It must be the hair

2007-06-20T09:56:00.000-04:00

For years now I have been trying to get my mom interested in Jesus. I wanted her to know what life was about for me. I wanted... no, not wanted... needed her to accept me for who I was as a follower of Jesus. Unfortunately there was some sort of gap in our relationship that made/makes it very hard for us to communicate about serious things. You see, I'm the baby of my mom's three children and I will always be the baby. Beneficial because my every need was catered to for the first 18 years of my life; not so great because no one cares what I have to say. "What does she know? She's just a kid."

My mom needed someone she felt she could relate to- someone not the age of her youngest daughter. Someone who presented herself in a manner that appealed to my mom. Someone who could communicate with my mom on a level that I couldn't.

She needed someone relevant to her.

Back in February I called my mom on a Wednesday and said, "Hey! Guess what?! I'm road-tripping to see Beth Moore on Friday." I fully expected to 1) have to explain to my mom who Beth was and 2) hear some long diatribe about how she didn't understand why I needed to drive to Detroit to see her. Instead, I was shocked to hear an "Oh. I like her!"

The rest of the conversation was a total blur. I remember my mom saying something about Beth being cute and energetic with a great accent. I remember hanging up and trying to figure out whether I had been dreaming that conversation. My mom likes someone the Lord is using in a tremendous women's ministry movement! This is new! I was excited.

Then I realized... it must be the hair.

Beth Moore is just the kind of woman my mom needs. The Spirit is speaking through Beth in a powerful way, and, at the same time, my mom is drawn to her as a person. Here was a woman, passionately speaking the love of Christ and having great hair at the same time. How could my mom resist? On a deeper level, Beth's womanhood, the things that she struggled/struggles with, are very real for my mom (and thousands upon thousands of other women.)

My mom had found someone relevant to her.

Fast forward to a month ago when I learned that Beth would be in DC for the Women of Faith pre-conference, which happens to be taking place just one day before my 20th birthday. I immediately ordered two tickets. Over chips and salsa before our delicious Mexican dinner that night, I invited mom. Even if it took a little coaxing from her spoiled little baby ("But mom, can't it be a birthday present? Pleeeeease!") she agreed to join me and approximately 14,998 other women to spend a day with Beth Moore.

It must be the hair.

Everyone is drawn to people they feel they can relate to. We look for people like ourselves- they make us feel safe and they make us feel like we can understand them and, in turn, they can maybe understand us.

Beth's hair is like the Church, the body of Christ. Think about it for a second. Beth Moore has a fairly well-defined audience- women. It's pretty obvious that she is, in fact, a woman herself. She is good... great... incredibly talented when it comes to relating to women. This is the way the Lord has gifted her. Each member of the Church is gifted to relate to someone different. Someone recovering from an addiction can mentor an addict- I can't do that. Someone recovering from an abusive relationship can guide an abused person- I can't do that. Someone who comes from a blended family can help a child who's parents are re-marrying- I can do that.

God allows us to walk in the shoes we walk in because other people walk in them, too. He allows us to come out on the other side of tragedy and confusion so we can extend a hand to someone and say, "I've been there. Let me help you." He gives us the ability to say, "I've been there. Let's heal together." Every experience we have makes us the prime candidate for reaching out to another human- there is always someone, somewhere that has experienced something similar to you.

Find these hurting and lost people. Find the people who are standing where you once stood- at a crossroads between giving up and forging on. Find the ones who have the same hair style- go to them. Reach out your hand and grab hold of them. Hang on for the beautiful ride.

Life in the High Country

2007-06-18T21:54:00.000-04:00

There is just something about the high country in North Carolina that leaves me feeling completely relaxed and at peace. Even if I've only spent a weekend there and had to drive 7 hours each way to do it, I leave feeling completely refreshed. Perhaps it's the mountain air or the people (who are amazing). Perhaps it's the blue sky and the green, lush forest or the family (with those little kids who make the messes, noise, and silly faces that I miss so much). Maybe it's the sun, which always seems to shine a little bit brighter. Perhaps it's the food or the hospitality. It might even be the accents, which I love and am dying to pick up.

Whatever it is, there is just something there that brings me happiness in the midst of insanity. It's nice to be in a place where I don't have to fight with other cars for a spot on the highway; where you come downstairs in the morning and find your wonderful neighbors already over for a visit; where hospitality isn't a chore, it's a given; where your backyard is full of trees; where the mall is affectionately known as the Small; where you can always find a parking spot; where all the roads are back roads.

"This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says:... 'I will refresh
the weary and satisfy the faint.'" -Jeremiah 31:23, 25

Everyone can have a high country- it doesn't have to be in North Carolina. It could be in the city. Just find a place you like, a place where you can clear your mind and talk to Him. When you let Him take over, He'll refresh you.

What is M?

2007-06-15T07:09:00.000-04:00

Movement. Momentum.

Changing the world.

Won't you join us?

2007-06-07T11:00:00.000-04:00

"Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
-Margaret Mead (1901-1978)
American Cultural Anthropologist

Blogging Lapse

2007-06-04T13:30:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: It seems as if I've begun my last few blog entries with an apology for such a big time gap between posts. Let's just be honest here- I'm not consistent in my blogging, and I probably won't ever be. Therefore, I'm going to adopt a NAP (No Apologies Policy) from here on out.

Summer has been plugging along. It's hard to believe I have been out of school since May 14th. Since then, I have lived in three different houses in two different states, put over 1,000 miles on my car, had everything I own in my car or in a storage unit, read a book and a half, started building my internship portfolio, worked over 90 hours, run approximately 30 miles (not at once), ordered tickets to see Beth Moore (again!), moved my mom out of the house she's lived in for 14 years, played Jeopardy with my brother and sister-in law, seen a few movies, caught up with some friends, and eaten a lot of red meat (yum!).

This summer meant a lot of changes and, consequently, a bit of growing up. No more mom to fix me dinner and spoil me. No more dad to look at my car when it makes funny noises or manage all those problems that girls just don't understand. No more step-mom to counsel every decision that I make or pass me the pint of Ben & Jerry's when there isn't much to be said. I wouldn't say it's been a rough transition, as I've always been able to take care of myself, but it's been new. Thankfully, common sense has a way of kicking in when there isn't anyone there to help.

But, I do miss my family. No little kids around anymore- it's awfully quiet and very clean. No family to go out to lunch with after church on Sundays. No silly movies to watch with dad while we fold laundry. Nothing to laugh at with Tammie. No more dinner rendezvous with mom after work. But you know what they say? Leave and cleave. Well, not the cleave part, but at least the leave part.

Well, time to be a grown-up and get some work done. Hopefully my blogging will get a teensy, weensy bit more consistent as summer continues. But, don't hold your breath- I wouldn't want to be responsible for your fainting.

Goals Follow-up

2007-05-15T21:29:00.000-04:00

The semester has officially ended for me. Unbelievable. I am done with my sophomore year of college. Yikes!

You may recall that I set some goals for myself this year and put them in a prominent spot on my bookshelf. It was challenging to conscientiously remind myself of them throughout the year even though they were right there in my face every time I sat down at my desk. But, overall, I did pretty well.

Goal #1- "Be myself."
I definitely got a lot better at being who I am this past year. I became a lot more independent and a lot less worried about the way other people felt about the things I did. I learned more about myself this year than I have in years past, but I definitely still have a lot to learn.

Goal #2- "Deliver 5 notes a week through campus mail."
I started out really strong with this one, but as the year progressed it got more challenging to do 5 a week. I did do at least one and some weeks I would go crazy and do mass inner-campus mailings. I love writing notes to people, so I will definitely make this a goal next year.

Goal #3- "Carve out time to read books not related to class."
I read a few. This is one of the toughest goals for any college student, especially an English major. By the time you get time to read, you would rather sleep because you haven't slept in 3 days. But, I did manage to squeeze a few in.

Goal #4- "Get to know my roommate."
Success. We're living together again next semester.

Goal #5- "Make one significant freshman friendship by the end of the year."
Another success. More than one, too!

Goal #6- "Cultivate the importance of strategic missions in the mind of someone."
I don't think I did the cultivating, but there was a lot of mutual missional encouragement going on as people shared about their summer/mid-year trips and I shared about my trips.

Goal #7- "Don't fear spontaneity."
I definitely had a lot more spontaneous fun this year. It often meant sacrificing sleep, but sleep is overrated anyway.

Goal #8- "Laugh more."
This was a definite success.

Goal #9- "Personally invite someone to a meal at least once a week."
Also a success. We all have to eat, even with crazy schedules, so this worked out really well for building friendships.

Goal #10- "Play in the snow more often."
This didn't really happen. After my car got stuck in the snow twice in two days I pretty much decided that I hated snow and didn't ever want it to happen again- then it snowed well into April.

Goal #11- "Drop my work once in a while to spend time with a friend who needs it"
This year was a really big year in terms of getting my priorities right. I am willing to be a B student if it means building strong relationships with people and being involved in the lives of others. Being friends with people is time well spent. Denying a friendship for studying is the worst use of your time ever.

Because I blog so often as it is...

2007-05-10T21:48:00.000-04:00

There will be a leslitab blog hiatus for the next 5 days due to finals. Other things taking a hiatus include the following: sleep, personal hygiene, eating, and anything else that isn't studying.

Thank you. I will resurface from the pit that is finals at approximately 4 pm on Monday, May 14. At that point, I will get in my car and drive close to 500 miles as quickly (and safely!) as I can in order to see my family.

2007-04-28T15:31:00.000-04:00

I'll have to begin this entry by apologizing for my most recent blogging hiatus. It was not on purpose - things just got busy and when they weren't busy I was deathly ill with some type of cold/cough/fever-inducing illness. Oh, and my car broke down. Fun times, right? Right.

It's been an interesting 3 weeks. I'm sitting here looking at the whiteboard calendar on my wall and wondering how I made it through. How on earth did I fit all of that stuff into one day? Easy answer: extend my day by not sleeping. Not healthy, but easy. Oh well, what fun would college be if I actually got to sleep?

In other news, I've been more homesick in the past 3 weeks than I have ever been in my life. When I first came to college I wasn't homesick at all. I made it all through freshmen year and up until now without being homesick. For some reason, these recent weeks have been very hard. I think it's because my Easter beak was so incredible. I had such a wonderful time with my family and their friends. Everything about it was great. In addition to this, I'll be spending my summer in MD and I won't get to go down to NC for more than 3 days at a time (for an 8-hour drive that isn't much time).

I have this intense feeling that I am missing out on their lives. Not so much Tammie and my dad, but definitely Olivia (10) and Joshua (7). I think that because I have been around since they were born (I was 9 when Olivia was born and 12 when Joshua was born) I have gotten used to them being a big part of my life. I also got used to being able to watch them grow up right before my eyes. Now, I hardly see them and when I do they've grown a lot. Since I won't get to spend a lot of time with them this summer, it makes it even harder.

Also, let's face it, life in North Carolina is much easier. Not much else to say about that.

Sometimes, when I'm lying in bed at night, all of these negative thoughts assault my mind. I have to consciously call on the name of the Lord to get them out. It's almost like my heart is in the midst of some type of spiritual warfare... Oh wait, it is. Isn't it wonderful that I don't have to yell to God to have Him help me. Even if His name only comes off of my lips in the slightest whisper, He is right there to fight the battle for me.

---

I wrote this a few days ago and saved it as a draft to come back to and finish. God is so good! I will be able to go down to NC on May 15th when I leave school and stay until May 20th! I can't start my job for the summer until the 21st anyway, so this works so well! I love the way God provides in the most unexpected ways!

2007-04-25T10:41:00.000-04:00

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
Let Israel say:
"His love endures forever."
Let the house of Aaron say:
"His love endures forever."
Let those who fear the LORD say:
"His love endures forever."
In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
and he answered by setting me free.
The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.
It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.
It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.
All the nations surrounded me,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
They surrounded me on every side,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
They swarmed around me like bees,
but they died out as quickly as burning thorns;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the LORD helped me.
The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
"The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
The LORD's right hand is lifted high;
the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!"
I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
The LORD has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
Open for me the gates of righteousness;
I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.
This is the gate of the LORD
through which the righteous may enter.
I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
O LORD, save us;
O LORD, grant us success.
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you.
The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine upon us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up to the horns of the altar.
You are my God, and I will give you thanks;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
-Psalm 118

when you can't find the right words, find someone who has already said them

2007-04-17T03:08:00.000-04:00

The Lord is just and more sovereign than I can begin to imagine.

Justus quidem tu es, Domine, si disputem tecum; verumtamen justa loquar ad te: Quare via impiorum prosperatur?

"Righteous art thou, O Lord, when I plead with thee; yet let me talk with thee of thy judgments: Wherefore doth the way of the wicked prosper?" -Jeremiah 12:1

"Thou art indeed just, Lord, if I contend
With thee; but, sir, so what I plead is just.
Why do sinners' ways prosper? and why must
Disappointment all I endeavor end?

Wert thou my enemy, O thou my friend,
How wouldst thou worse, I wonder, than thou dost
Defeat, thwart me? Oh, the sots and thralls of lust
Do in spare hours more thrive than I that spend,

Sir, life upon thy cause. See, banks and brakes
Now, leaved how thick! laced they are again
With fretty chervil, look, and fresh wind shakes

Them; birds build- but not I build; no, but strain,
Time's eunuch, and not breed one work that wakes
Mine, O thou lord of life, send my roots rain."

-Gerard Manley Hopkins, 1918

Tragedy

2007-04-16T17:34:00.000-04:00

I think Amanda, Beth Moore's eldest daughter, reflects perfectly on today's tragedy.

I couldn't even find the right words to say.

2007-04-11T16:40:00.000-04:00

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ, the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

"You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.

Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.

He humbles those who dwell on high,
he lays the lofty city low;
he levels it to the ground
and casts it down to the dust.

Feet trample it down—
the feet of the oppressed,
the footsteps of the poor.

The path of the righteous is level;
O upright One, you make the way of the righteous smooth.

Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws,
we wait for you;
your name and renown
are the desire of our hearts." -Isaiah 26:3-8

4:25 am

2007-04-11T06:25:00.000-04:00

Well, here's to coming back to school after break...

It's 4:25 am and I just finished a paper. I'm going to wait another 15 minutes before I read it again (for the third time) to make sure that it is suitable for handing it in during my 8 am class... 3.5 hours from now!

There is something exhilarating about staying up all night and writing a paper, but there is also something not so exhilarating about it. I loved the paper, I think it's pretty good, and I was really fascinated by the topic. I wrote on Elizabeth Barrett Browning and how her Christianity influenced the way she loved her husband. I won't elaborate because I think it's only exciting if you're an English major.

I did come across a neat Bible verse in John that I really like. It's very revealing, and it puts an interesting spin on John the Baptist's humble nature. So, I'll end with that for the night/morning.

"'He is the one who comes after me, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie.'" -John 1:27

There's just something about that Southern style

2007-04-09T22:56:00.000-04:00

For almost the whole eight hour drive back I was thinking about what I would write in this post. There is so much I want to say about my time in North Carolina, but all of the words get jumbled in my head when I think about it. My time there was just absolutely incredible, and I am so grateful for that! I think the best way to do this is to divide it up by every part that I enjoyed. Perhaps splitting it up will make it easier for me to tell you all of the wonderfulness.

Family- Obviously seeing my family was a huge bonus! I finally got to spend some time with them in their new house. They are so well adjusted, which was really encouraging for me. I could tell the move was the right thing for them to do- they needed this change. It's still hard, and they (we) are still struggling with some things that have never come up before, but I think change brings that on. I'm not sure how, but I know God is going to grow all four of them tremendously through this. When it's all said and done, they will come out on the other side knowing that God brought them through something tougher than they could have gotten through on their own.

It was great to spend time with J (7) and O (10). They are growing up quickly, so it was neat to see them. They are so sweet. And, of course, seeing T was wonderful. I miss her a lot when I'm at school. Ever since they moved our conversations haven't been the same. When I used to call her and she would tell me where she was I would always know the exact location- I could contextualize the conversation. When they moved I lost all context because I didn't know where anything was. I have some of that context now. It was interesting to come home to such a different life and just jump right into it. It was great to see the Dad, too. When I'm at school, I forget how similar we are and how alike our senses of humor are. He's fun to laugh with! (And he did my taxes!)

God- The Lord revealed himself to me so much in the nine days I was home. Between Portrait of Love, church, the college youth group, the Passover Seder, and some personal time I really got a chance to learn some things about Him that I hadn't noticed before. What an incredible Lord and Savior He is!

What stood out the most was the way he kept putting the most random people in my path. Example #1- KP and I climbed Mt. Jefferson and met a group of Christians at the top. We got to walk and talk with them and hear a little bit of their stories. Example #2- Roger and Denise Critcher, the leaders of the college youth group, could not have been more amazing. They made me feel so welcome even though I was only staying for a few days.
Both of these scenarios, in addition to the next category, made North Carolina such an incredibly welcoming experience for me. I felt this sense of Christ-like love that I haven't felt in a while, even among my friends at school.

Friends- Wow! T and my dad have some sweet friends. They are some of the greatest people I have ever met. The best part is that they get together all the time. I mean, T and my dad had some nice friends in MD, but we were lucky if we saw them once a month, and when we did see them it was a huge arrangement. With the friends in NC, we sort of just call and get together and do normal things (Ex.: trips to Wal*Mart). I'm just so glad they have friends! Incredible friends! Incredible friends with whom they can do fun things!

I also liked spending time with their friends because I miss adults (especially moms!). Most of you know how I feel about moms- I love them! I think moms are great, and I could talk to them for hours and hours. When I'm at school I miss talking to adults- there is just some part of me that needs to talk to adults every now and then, not college students. The friends were a huge part of break for me.

In short, I am ready to go back!

Resurrection Sunday

2007-04-08T13:54:00.000-04:00

At first dawn- the resurrection.
Matthew 28:2-4

Mary Magdalene finds the tomb empty. She runs to tell John and Peter.
Mark 16:1-4

The other women see two angels who tell them of the Lord's resurrection.
Luke 24:4-8

Jesus's first appearance: reveals himself to Mary Magdalene. She reports to the disciples.
John 20:11-18

Jesus's second appearance: meets Mary, mother of James.
Matthew 28:8-10

Peter and John find the tomb empty.
John 20:3-10

Jesus's third appearance: seen by Peter.
Luke 24:34

Jesus's fourth appearance: seen by two disciples on the road to Emmaus.
Luke 24:13-35

Jesus's fifth appearance: appears to the ten. Thomas is absent.
John 20:19-23
--

What a beautiful day today is- this Resurrection Sunday! The day of first fruits! The day that all doubts were squashed. Remember Friday when you saw the body of Jesus, your friend, placed in the tomb? Remember yesterday when you saw the sealed tomb with soldier guarding it? Do you remember your despair and doubt? Would Jesus conquer death as He had promised, or would it be death that conquered Him? You needed to see something. Everything you had seen up to this point had made you question everything Jesus had told you.

But then you saw something. With your own eyes, you saw the empty tomb. A testimony in itself, you knew Jesus had kept his word. You rejoiced. Maybe you even jumped up and down a few times. You ran to tell the others

"He is not here; He has risen, just as He said. Come and see the place where He lay. Then go quickly and tell His disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see Him.'" -Matthew 28:6-7

You were so full of joy. You had a testimony- you had seen it with your own eyes. The doubt once caused by sight was settled by sight. You were the first one to testify of Jesus's resurrection, and you began a lasting tradition- the sharing of a testimony. Mine and yours would become and are the testimony that continues.

"Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, 'Brother Saul, the Lord- Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here- has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.' Immediately something like scales fell from Saul's eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, and after taking some food, he regained his strength. Saul spent several days with the disciples in Damascus. At once he began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God." -Acts 9:17-20

The testimony of Christ was in his death on the cross. It was in the empty tomb. It was in his appearances to the disciples. It is living in us.
Continue to live in the power of the resurrection, as they did in Acts 1-28, and let your life be Acts 29.

"Death has been swallowed up in victory.
Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain" -1 Corinthians 15:54-58

Passover Week- Saturday

2007-04-07T14:19:00.000-04:00

Pilate grants a guard and they set a seal on the tomb.
Matthew 27:62-66
--

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Had the disciples and followers of Jesus had wristwatches I imagine they would have ticked louder than ever before on the Saturday after Jesus's death. Today would not have been a day of casual chores and trips to the marketplace.

Imagine being so wracked with anticipation that you probably couldn't go about your daily activities. Imagine yourself as a woman who just watched her son placed in a tomb last night. Imagine yourself as a man who had just watched his dear friend disappear behind a huge stone. Imagine thinking that Jesus is dead. Imagine the overwhelming sense of doubt you would experience. You remember what He promised, but it seems that all evidence is pointing to the contrary. You saw His body. You see the stone. You see the guards at the tomb. You must be doubting.

Do you remember what you saw yesterday? When your good friend willingly gave up his spirit on the cross. Do you remember the veil of the temple tearing down the middle? The veil that you knew was at least 12 inches thick and woven like the thickest carpet.

"At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split." -Matthew 27:51

DO you remember when you heard a most unlikely convert, the Roman Centurion, testify that Jesus must be the Son of God.

"When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, 'Surely he was the Son of God!'" -Matthew 27:54

Surely there was something different about this crucifixion. Their was something about Jesus's death that was different from the others. You remember this as you sit in your home on Saturday, not quite certain about what will happen next. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

"...weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning."
-Psalm 30:5

This is your prayer. You pray for rejoicing in the morning even in the midst of your weeping today. Take heart- we know what's coming!

Passover Week- Good Friday

2007-04-06T22:39:00.000-04:00

First dawn: Before Caiaphas, Jesus acknowledges His Messiahship. He is accused of blasphemy
Matthew 26:59-68

Jesus is brought before Pilate to be judged.
John 18:28-38

Pilate send Jesus to Herod. Herod sends Him back to Pilate.
Luke 23:6-12

Pilate tries to release Him, but the Jews demand Barabbas. Jesus is scourged and sentenced to death by crucifixion.
Matthew 27:15-26

Judas is remorseful- he throws down the silver in the temple and hangs himself.
Matthew 27:3-10

Jesus bears the cross to the city gate. The cross is carried the rest of the way by Simon of Cyrene. Jesus refuses a sedative.
Luke 23:26-32

Jesus is crucified at Golgotha. Nisan 14, April 7 AD30.
Matthew 27:25-44

The penitent thief is promised paradise.
Luke 23:39-43

Jesus's garments are divided and the soldiers cast lots for his cloak. Jesus asks John to care for his mother.
John 19:23-27

Darkness covers the land. Jesus gives up his spirit, and the veil of the temple is torn. The Centurion give his testimony.
Matthew 27:45-54

Jesus's side is pierced to determine death, and he is buried in the tomb of Joseph of Arimathea.
John 19:31-42
--

And what a Good Friday it is- how sweet it is to remember that our Savior died for us. I would imagine that for Christ's closest friends this Friday was not a good one at all. It was one they would spend in mourning. One they would spend perhaps questioning the Lordship of Christ- wondering whether all the things He had said before His death would be true. Would they ever see Him again?

We know the answer, of course, and that's what makes today so wonderful for us. The good that would come of this fateful Friday is nearly unfathomable. Jesus shed His blood on the tree so that we might experience his new mercies every day. What a wonderful Savior!

Passover Week- Thursday

2007-04-06T00:12:00.000-04:00

At sunset, Jesus celebrates the Passover.
Luke 22:7-38

Jesus indicates His betrayer, Judas.
Matthew 26:21-30

Jesus ordains the Lord's Supper.
1 Corinthians 11:23-25
Matthew 26:26-29

Jesus agonizes in Gethsemane.
John 18:1-4

Jesus is betrayed with a kiss.

Peter cuts off Malchus's ear. Jesus heals Malchus.
Luke 22:47-53

Peter's three denials.
Luke 22:54-62

Jesus is brought before Annas.
John 18:12-23
--

Today was Maundy Thursday.
Maundy comes from a Latin phrase meaning 'it is commanded". It comes from the new command we find in John- to love as Jesus did.
John 13:34-35

"Holy Thursday"
"Shear Thursday"- cleansing day

-Observing the Last Supper
-"Eucharist"- means thanksgiving
Matthew 26:17-30

"The Lord's supper brings pre-conscious beliefs back into consciousness." It reminds us; it's not trivial or commonplace.

John 15:12-13
-The new commandment. If we love Christ, we must love as he did. Love people!

In modern English- Maundy Thursday can also be called "Love command Thursday"

Passover Week- Wednesday

2007-04-04T15:34:00.000-04:00

Beginning at sunset; two days before the Passover, Jesus announces his betrayal and crucifixion.
John 12:36-50
--
I went to the Passover Seder last night. It was phenomenal. It's amazing to see the parallels between the Jewish tradition and the Christian faith. Jesus truly did come to fulfill the law, not destroy it.

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophet; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them." -Matthew 5:17

Here are two interesting facts about the significance of the Passover lamb (and why a lamb is used so often in the Bible):

- When a sheep needs to drink, the shepherd must lead him to the still waters. A sheep will not drink from a body of water that is moving steadily because they are too timid. How often is it that God has to lead us by hand to the still waters to be refreshed by him? We won't go by ourselves because we're too afraid of letting go and being swept away in the current.

"He leads me beside quiet waters." -Psalm 23:2

- A sheep is the only animal that will calm itself once you pick it up. When you hold a sheep in your arms, it will almost immediately stop its struggling and submit to you, even if you're taking it to be killed.

"He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth." -Isaiah 53:7

It was really neat to celebrate the Passover. I had never really thought about the significance of something like Passover simply because it is a "Jewish" holiday now. But, Jesus came to Jerusalem for the week of Passover. When he gathered with the disciples for The Last Supper they thought they were merely gathering to celebrate the Passover with Him.

It's also fascinating to looks at the Passover knowing what we know now- knowing that Jesus is our Savior and our God. Here are some websites containing some great Passover facts and the ways to conduct a ceremony. They also place a particular emphasis on having Passover in a Christian setting, remembering Jesus, the true sacrificial lamb.

A Christian Seder Haggadah
Passover Dinner for Christian Congregations
A Christian Passover Seder Meal (This is basically a script of what to say and do)

"Behold, the lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!" -John 1:29

Passover Week- Tuesday

2007-04-03T01:07:00.000-04:00

Jesus teaches in the temple.

Jesus confronts the lawyer about the Greatest Commandment

Jesus commends the widow for her sacrificial giving.

Jesus warns against scribes and Pharisees. Woe to Jerusalem.

--

Tonight I am going to a Passover Seder tonight at church, and I'm really looking forward to it. We talked a little bit on Sunday about what exactly Passover was and what the significance of it is/was, but I am really looking forward to learning a lot more about it tonight. We're going to share the traditional passover meal and that's pretty cool.

--

On a completely different note- If you're looking for a laugh, please read this post by Beth Moore. She cracks me up!

Monday of Passover Week

2007-04-02T12:03:00.000-04:00

Jesus curses the barren fig tree.

The second purging of the temple.

2007-04-01T22:31:00.000-04:00

I'm home. Home- that still sounds a little weird to say. I'm in North Carolina, and it is where my family lives. Strange. Whatever home is, it's been good to be here. I got in Friday night around 11:30 pm. KP, a friend from school, came home with me and we spent some time together until this afternoon, when a friend of hers who lives in Johnson City, TN came to get her. We climbed Mt. Jefferson yesterday, and went to see Portrait of Love: A Story of Hope, my church's Easter drama last night.

Let me tell you, Portrait of Love is not your typical church drama. They do an Easter cantata every year, and I have attended in years past, but this one was by far the best it has ever been. It's the story of Palm Sunday to Easter Sunday plus the story of a modern day man who has reached the end of his rope. The scenes alternate between Jesus's life and the life of Scott, an alcoholic who's wife eventually leaves him, causing him to almost take his life. I think it would be easy to gloss over a lot of the realities in Scott's life and in the story of Jesus's crucifixion, but Mt. Vernon doesn't do it. Scott holds a real gun, and I can hardly begin to describe the crucifixion to you. All I know is that I could see it 20 times and still cry because of its intensity. They have an actual cross to which they 'nail' Jesus before lifting it up to show him hanging there. It's a big deal- the program recommends that children under 10 not attend, and I know why. Imagine The Passion of the Christ in person- it's powerful, and it really reminds you of the sacrifice Jesus made. What's even better is Mt. Vernon uses it as a huge outreach.

Today was church in the morning and then lunch at a great Mexican restaurant with the Lubkemanns. We sent KP off and then headed back to church to watch the musical again- it was, again, phenomenal! (P.S.- My dad is singing in it! We were so proud!)

One of the highlights of my weekend was the college service at church today. Tammie told everyone and their mother (quite literally) that I was coming, so a lot of people knew that a "Yankee from Pennsylvania" (rather inaccurate since I am neither a Yankee nor am I from Pennsylvania) was coming to town. I met the college pastor and his wife and they were just great. Roger, the pastor/leader, spoke on the events leading up to Easter, specifically Passover, and he gave us this nifty little chart of all of the events of Jesus's life that took place between Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday- Scripture references included. It was pretty neat.

Here are today's (Palm Sunday's) events:
- Jesus triumphantly enters the city on a donkey. Did you know that had he entered on a horse it would have meant he was seeking war? A donkey meant he was bringing peace.
- The multitudes cried "Hosanna!", which means "Save!"

Matthew 21:1-11

He also talked about Passover, which was the same week, but I am going to a Passover Sader they are hosting on Tuesday, so I will write more about that then. For now, check out the events of today- I'll be posting tomorrow's events sometime.

Teeny

2007-03-21T15:09:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I flew home for my grandmother's memorial service. She passed away last Tuesday (March 13). She would have been 90 years old in May, and on March 25th she would have been married for 62 years. Both of those facts, to me, are amazing. The service was very nice. I got to see some extended family I haven't seen in years, literally. It was also a really nice time of remembrance. My grandmother was a remarkable woman who overcame a lot.

Here are some of the awesome things about her of which I was reminded:
1. She was from a family of 10 children, and she was number 9.
2. Her parents lived in poor, rural Virginia.
3. She was the only one in her family to graduate from high school.
4. She lived with her sister, who treated her poorly and told her that her marriage to my grandfather would never work out.
5. She began working as a print editor to support herself. She did this until she was too pregnant to go to work, at which point company drivers would bring work to her. That's how good she was. Now I know where my aunt, my dad, and I got our love of words.
6. My grandfather first noticed her because of her legs. They worked in the same office building and would sometimes climb the stairs together. (Note: this is an odd fact to hear about your 88 year old grandfather at your grandmother's memorial service.)
7. She loved to dance. She also loved to bowl (duck pin, of course!).
8. Some called her Mary, some called her Irene, but her nickname was Teeny.

My grandmother was driven- she expected a lot of herself and, in turn, expected a lot from everyone around her. We're just a family of perfectionists, now aren't we? At some points in her life she came across as callous and hard, but as the years passed she began to soften, especially as her dementia and eventual Alzheimer's began to set in. She became one of the sweetest, gentlest, and kindest people I knew. In a sense, her life came full circle. And, I don't mean that in a sad or bad way. I think we all learned a lot from her transformation over the past seven years (the span of her deterioration).

My dad, my aunt, and I all spoke at the service. My dad and aunt spoke for much longer than I did, as theirs was planned. They both did an awesome job of telling the story of my grandmother's life with honesty and humor. I believe she would have wanted us to smile at the stories, and we did. I wanted to convey to people the biggest lesson I had learned from my grandmother. She wasn't a spiritual mentor to me, and I was young while she was still completely healthy, but there is one distinct thing that I remember about her...

When I think about the thing in life to which my grandmother was devoted, I can't help but think of her marriage- a marriage of almost 62 years. She had a rare and sweet love for my grandfather- a love that is hard to find and even harder to keep. A love I could see as a young child; a love I could see up until her very last days here with us.
One summer while I was in high school my grandfather invited me to sit with my grandmother while he ran errands and played a bit of golf. There is one day I will never forget from that summer. I had spent the day listening to stories from the past and playing scrabble with my grandmother. Most of the stories I had heard before, some I'd even heard already that day. It was clear to me that her memory was failing- she didn't even know who I was. My grandfather came through the front door at the end of our afternoon together and I watched her face break into a smile and her eyes light up. She was visibly happier when he was in the room. Then, my grandfather took her hand and they danced for me, as if they were a young couple again- there in the living room of 418 Lambeth Rd. (Their residence of 54 years). This was love. Until the last day it was love.

Beth Moore Notes: Installment B

2007-03-14T23:44:00.000-04:00

Here they are, the long-awaited Beth Moore Living Proof Live second session notes. In case you missed Installment A- here you go.

Saturday- February 17, 2007

- tas philas is cheering one another on

- "be hilarious in your giving"

- "Lord, do all but kill us with your glory"

- Nothing should be more clear to us than friendship with God
- You want to be a friend of God- this is the most divine encounter we can experience on Earth

Exodus 33:7-11
- Anybody could go, but when Moses would go people would watch in wonder and awe at his relationship with God
- You do not have to stand in amazement and wonderness at another person's relationship with Jesus!
- The Word of God is living
- vs. 11- the Lord spoke to Moses face to face as a man speaks to his friends

1. the divine friendship takes place face to face
- Immediacy of the presence of God
- God spoke to Moses like a friend
- Hebrew translation = presence to presence
- When you pray you are face to face with the skin of Christ- do you really believe he hears?
- Christ is leaning down on us. When you read his word, his breath is blowing on you.

- Intense! Developing a relationship where God's presence if intensely with us
- If you're not there, get on the floor until it happens

Numbers 6:25
- Priestly prayer to speak over the people
- "May God make his face to shine upon you."

- Bless (mekarias) the favor of God; to live corum deo
- Corum deo: before the face of God
- We will never live more blessed than living every moment of life with a constant awareness that we live life before God.

"Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted."
- The fact is some things have happened. The question becomes- what shall we do with that?
- "Comfort"- to call aside; invite/invoke near
- We have a capacity to have God on us and we are totally unaware of it.
- God reserves the right to favor the suffering. It gives you the opportunity to experience something that your neighbor never will.

Exodus 33:12-15
- Moses has a "with" need
Every
Alternative
Savior
Takes
Early
Retirement
- Every time we confuse our "with" need for God with out "with" need for people, a calf will be made for worship. (Moses and Aaron)

- Once you experience face to face, nothing is going to be better.

- Presence- same Hebrew word for face; the same face you meet with in the morning will go with you
- His presence doesn't end with the end of corporate worship, He goes along with us

2 Corinthians 3:7
- vs. 18 - unveiled faces
- KJV- "from glory to glory"
- One thing holding us back in our friendship with God is that we come to him with veiled faces. (Ex. shame- knowing what it is like to put a face on)
- Get the veil off of your face when you are alone with him. This is when you can scream, "Help me!"
- The cross tore the veil.
- Get honest with God. Any area in which you aren't honest with Him will be messed up.
- God is not ashamed of any part of your life. You are never too messed up to meet with Him.

2. divine friendship involves intimate disclosure
- Part of good friendship is confiding in one another. God will never tell your secrets
John 15
- God will give you insight and wisdom that is far past your level or age
- Wisdom is our ability to make decisions based on knowledge we do not have.
- Spiritual PhD- "Pure heart Disciple"
John 15: 12-17
- Intimate disclosures

Matthew 13:11-17
- When God reveals something and thrills us in his word and we live it out, he will give us more and more. (If we cast it down like pearls among swine, he will take what we do have.)
- One of the biggest temptations in loss is to get a hard heart to God.
- Bring enough honesty to God to be able to just ask ,"Why?"
- The veiled face and spirit make the heart grow hard
- Only a hard heart breaks
- When we enter a confidential relationship with God, there is understanding
- syniemi- Greek; to collect puzzle pieces and put them together
- It's never too late
- Every time we help someone else and have compassion; every time our pain inclines our ears to hear the Scriptures; we get a new puzzle piece that fits with the previous one
- What we are doing here is living a life that matters

2 contrasts between divine and earthly friendships: 1) divine friendship requires obedience; 2) divine friendship will never end in betrayal

1. divine friendship requires obedience
- God says, "You are my best friend if you do as I command."
- If we are honest, it annoys us that God gets the right to tell us what to do.
- He says, "Obey me! And I will make your life profoundly effective."
- There is nothing better- He cannot wrong your life or screw it up.
- With God's agenda we will have one adventure of a life
- Surrender to the destiny God scribbled down in the Heavens before you

2. divine friendship will never end in betrayal
- One reason why you can obey him is because he will never betray you
- God is never messed up, and he will never mess you up.

- Trust- John 14:1-2 "Trust in God, trust in me."

1 Corinthians 13:9-12
- "Then we shall see face to face"
- Our human vision is exchanged for a face to face
- Our suffering is not even going to compare to the glory we experience through him.

- "Sometimes you've gotta get your hair messed up for Jesus."

- Believe your God over the overwhelming screams of your circumstances.

God is into lineage
2 Samuel 7:18-19
- Get radical about it or it ain't happening
- Beth on her and her husband, Keith- "We were too far gone for normal Christianity. We're going to turn out as freaks for Jesus."
- There's a gift in desperation- a decision to make.
- Just sit before the Lord. "Oh Sovereign Lord"
- Make the decision about your bad past to let God set you free
- The enemy will terrorize you with the things of your past. Trust the sovereign Lord.

- "God either has poor taste or a lot of grace."
- Become bold in what you pray for the lineage of your family. "Change us and change our line."
- God can take us a mighty long way
- Trust God for big things

- Repent of sin! There's no pleasure of the flesh that will satiate our huge ego/ emotional vacuum

- There is not comparison. No sinful relationship you are living in can compare to a face to face relationship with Jesus
- There is no high like the most high
- Live a life of forgiveness. This will set you free

- If you are living a sinful lifestyle but week after week turning to the Word of God, you are mocking God and you are crazy

- Every other fire will burn you. The fire of God did not consume the bush.
- Give yourself entirely to Him- all of it!
- Mediocrity will never go there. He will not take a halfway heart.

- If we're gonna let hard scare us, we're never going to be free
- Get some courage. Don't be afraid of hard.

- When God gives you a victory that has taken everything from you to get- that is sweet
- All the past, all the future- put yourself entirely in

- Believe huge things
- When God talks, talk back.
- Victory will be won in the prayer closet
- Be brave in the fight for your lineage
- Part of what makes it good is that its hard.
- Of all the miracles God ever performed over your life, you are the biggest one
- Ours is a God of miracles- He can heal the human heart
- Climb all the way in; go through the withdraw of every addiction to find what is life

Prayer

2007-03-13T20:22:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the lack of blogs lately. Things were busy academically last week and this week I have tons of work to do on the school's play, The Matchmaker.

If I could just throw a quick prayer request out here...

Today at 10:30 am my grandmother (my dad's mom) passed away. Please pray for peace, especially my grandfather (Bill), my dad (also Bill), and my aunt (Cathie). Her passing wasn't completely unexpected, but it's still hard.

"'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you." -Isaiah 54:10

2007-03-07T14:49:00.000-05:00

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power my rest on me."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9

Lord-
I am breaking under the weight of my idols.
In my weakness be made strong.
May I boast in weakness because of your strength.
Let your power be evident.
In my life be lifted high.

Yes, we actually have these...

2007-03-07T03:41:00.000-05:00

Attention world: Grove City College has heated sidewalks that run from the Student Union (affectionately known as the SAC) to the Hall of Arts and Letters (HAL).

Yes, it's true- heated sidewalks. Even as the snow is coming down they are staying clear- no shoveling necessary. It's snowing again here... Don't be too surprised. It started around 12:30 am and it's still going strong (it's almost 4 am now.)

Here's a diagram of the converging paths made by our heated sidewalks. They lead from opposite doors in the SAC to the center door of HAL.

Perhaps it's because it is almost 4 am and I am delusional, but I really thought this would be something fun to share- especially for those of you who don't get any snow! This is what we deal with!

Promises, promises

2007-03-05T11:17:00.000-05:00

Shame on me. I promised you a post on Thursday or Friday and left you hanging until now.

And even now I can't offer much. My spring break was relaxing. I went to Schenectady, NY with my roommate to spend the break with her family. They are great hosts, and I had a blast!

I came back to school thinking that this week wouldn't be too bad. I knew I had a Modern Civilization paper due on Friday, but I didn't think anything else was due. Well, I was wrong. I have my Modern Drama paper due on Wednesday and the mid-term for the same class on Friday. Bring it on! No sleep! Lots of caffeine! I love college!

I wouldn't be so silly as to promise you a post, but perhaps one morning when 3 am rolls around and my brain can't take any more studying I will get something up here.

P.S.- It's blizzarding here. I can hardly see to the parking lot across the street. Is spring on its way or what?!

2007-02-26T10:26:00.000-05:00

I'm still alive, I promise.

Between being sick with the stomach icky-ness and now some type of cold/sickness of death and still managing this load of school work, there hasn't been much time for blogging. It's been a little strange for me, since I recently got on a kick of posting pretty regularly.

This week is a 3-day week, for which I am thankful. However, Wednesday holds some exciting things in store for me: a mid-term in British Literature (the class with the prof. who made me cry last semester) and an exam in Modern Civilization (the class with the prof. who can't test on his lectures because he can't remember what he says in class.) Those will be fun. And, in approximately 30 minutes, I have a scene presentation from Hedda Gabler for Modern Drama. I've never had to act anything serious from memory (Scott's funny skit team in high school did not count.) I'm excited and I feel like I have the lines down, but a lot of the people in the class are extremely talented actors and that is a little intimidating.

I'm off to practice my lines one more time. I may slip a post in here between now and Wednesday but if not you can expect on on Thursday or Friday. You're deserving of one more day's worth of Beth Moore notes and a little bit of reflecting.

Have a wonderfully February-y day! (It's hard to end something in an "e" sound when the word already ends with a "y")

I loves me some Beth Moore

2007-02-22T22:44:00.000-05:00

I would like to just preface this post by saying that it will not be nearly as funny or touching as actually hearing Beth Moore in person. She has an incredible gift for relating to people through stories and laughter. A prime example: On our second day in Detroit, where the temperatures were very low, Beth revealed to us all that she was wearing open-backed shoes with socks! She wanted the fashion bus to come and get her! (If you're a guy, this makes no sense. But with 7,100 women it was great!) She sat down on the stage and had the camera zoom in on her little blue socks. She's just precious.

Without further ado, I give you some Beth Moore Living Proof Live conference notes from the first session.
--

- Luke 15:8-10 - friendship with man, woman, and God

- tas philas- the girlfriends
- Things distinctive to tas philas: buying the same pair of shoes in multiple colors; haircuts, color and bad color; asking about teeth whitener; eyebrow waxing; and going to the public restroom en masse.
- Certain things are entirely distinctive to us
- syn- together; to call together; to rejoice together; celebrate together

1. truest friendship is totally distinctive
- different from every other relationship
- illustrated in the life of Christ
- friends are favored companions

- Intense of sense of loneliness- we have a deficit of deep relationships in our lives because much of what we're calling our friends are acquaintances
- We are, culturally speaking, in crowded isolation
- We wonder why our relationships don't work. We call friends what culture calls friends- This is unbiblical.
- Acquaintance- a relationship of the head, not the heart; relationship less intimate than friends

- Be deliberate about making friends.
- We are incomplete without the real dimension of relationships
- Friend- someone you feel free to love
- Agape love- based on best interest
- Philao love- based on common interest
- Close friendships- the ones who's names you can write on your hand
- "Do you have you some friends?!"

2. truest friendship takes place face to face
- Biblically!
- Text messaging and e-mailing will never satisfy the deep need we have
- Most communication is non-verbal- we have to be with people face to face
- Rea- friend; Hebrew for 'neighbor'
- Proximity is necessary in the closest of friendships
- The truest friendship doesn't have to be staged. With an acquaintance you are really thinking about what you will eat when you go out together. A friend can come and sit in your messy family room.
- The friendship should be the entertainment, not the meal.
- Closes friendship is the day-to-day living.
- "Knitting ones very soul to another"

3. close friendship attaches to our souls.
- It is as easy to form an unhealthy relationship as it is to form a healthy relationship
- Deuteronomy 13:6- "closest friend"
- It will be an incredible part of our faith to have friends there with us.
- Closest = Nephesh- soul friend
- RSV- "a friend who is as your own soul"
- Proverbs 12:26
- We have a hold on one another's soul
- A relationship always goes both ways- the people around us plant things in our lives and we plant things in theirs
- We have to see the bad and ask God to pluck it out.

- Proverbs 27:17- "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
- Back off from the friends that dull you spiritually.
- Run from exclusivity. The best kind of Biblical friend makes you want to love and befriend others.
- Proverbs 27:9 (KJV)- The sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel
- Nephesh- counsel soul to soul

- Are we knitted together or are we entangled?
- Entanglement is a co-dependent mess- jealousy, neediness, etc.
- Knitted together is honest, hearty, and earnest counsel.
- We desperately need Christ to be the one that brings us together.

- 1 Samuel 20: 14-17, 23
- vs. 23- "The Lord is a witness between you and me forever.
- Genesis 31:48-52- God is a witness between you and me

- In order to get some healthy relationships we have to let some unhealthy relationships go.
- If the co-dependence is keeping the friendship going, then the two of you will never begin to seek God at the same time
- Emotionally entangled relationships are unbiblical and they need to end
- With the cross between us, we can be led to Him together.
- Biblical friendship- The cross between us
- Proverbs 17:17- A friend loves at all times.

4. truest friendship endures
- "At all times"- now and when
- A friend loves now and when
- "I'll love you now and I'll love you when..."

- "I'll love you now and when you need me and when you don't..."
- Our friendships can't be based on people needing us. This is classic co-dependence.
- Our egos need someone to need us, but we can should still be friends with people, even if they just want us.
- It's fair for a friend to want you.
- A good friend is someone who knows you need them regardless of what you want. Tough love

- "I'll love you now and when you're loveable and when you're not..."
- The highest kind of love is willing not just feeling.
- Will it until you feel it when the person is hard to love.
- A true friend endures.
"I'll love you now
I'll love you when
You're hard to love
'Cause you're my friend.

- We lack intimacy in our relationships.
- It's shocking to think, "Are you telling me I'm driving her as crazy as she's driving me?!"

***The following is one of my favorite parts of the talk***

5. truest friendship can be trusted... even with a wound.
- Proverbs 27: 5-6
- The person with guts enough to tell you the truth is the real friend.
- Some of us need some healing. The degree to which someone is close to you is the degree to which they can hurt you.
- To trust the wounds of your friends, you must first trust your friends.

- "The average person is lied to 200 times a day. We live in a deceitful culture where much of what we say is exaggeration."
- Example: "LOL"- are we really laughing out loud?! We really need "GAL"- grinning a little
- We need to be truthful to people

- A friend you trust wounds you, what was their motive?
- We need massive forgiveness before we can grow with God.
- We have to let some people off the hook.
- We have places to go with God, and we've got to get these wounds and broken friendships out of the way.

- "I don't want a friend who thinks her calling in life is to hurt my feelings. These are the wounds of a snake friend."

- To love you have to wound. A good friend isn't going to give you a kiss on the cheek and say you'll be okay.
- The wound of a friend will always bring healing.

***

- How many times are we going to talk through our pasts?
- When am I going to move on and start something new?
- Psalm 55:12-14
- Companion is an extremely strong word for friendship; always translated in a situation where gossip has betrayed friendship.
- Nothing betrays friendship faster than the disclosure of intimate things.
- Psalm 55:12- "If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it..."
- Forgiveness- the time has come to allow God to bathe us in forgiveness.

An Everyday Hero

2007-02-21T22:30:00.000-05:00

Ok, can we just ~~talk~~ blog about moms for a minute? Seriously, they are my heroes here on earth. If you've known me for a while (especially if you've gone on SPACE missions trips with me), you know how I feel about moms. I love them!

Moms do things that we ordinary folk couldn't even dream of doing. Example: fix dinner and manage screaming toddlers. Fixing dinner and actually managing to get at least 2 of the 4 dishes on the table at the same time is a feat for me. What if I had a runny-nosed toddler hanging on my leg? I'd probably have a melt down and everyone would starve to death.

Moms sure can love. Whether they are your mom or not, it's an undeniable fact that moms love just about everyone. Ok- maybe that's an exaggeration, but if you're on their good side (read: not trying to convince their child to do something ridiculous) they will love you. I love this about them! They possess a nurturing love that only motherhood could grant.

Moms are cute. Really, I think women get cuter after they have kids. Sure, they might have a few extra pounds or some stretch marks in places they didn't know could stretch, but there is no picture like a picture of a mom and baby cuddling. There's something about kids that softens you, I guess.

Moms are sacrificial. Hello! The first thing they do for you is give up their body for 9 months and let you live in it and make it change shape. Could they be any more selfless? They'll sacrifice their comfort for yours in a heartbeat. Example: they'll sleep on an air mattress in a hotel room even if they don't want to while you and your college-aged friends take the beds. (Ahem- ring any bells blog reader?)

Moms are under-appreciated. Why do we even have to have Mother's Day? It's nice to have your own day, but everyday should be "Thank A Mom Day." They give everything for you everyday when you're growing up and we give them one stinkin' day. (A beautiful day, nonetheless, but still only one day.) Tell a mom thanks!

Moms have a sense of humor too! In fact, sometimes I think mom's are funnier than you! Seriously, have you heard a mom tell goofy stories about her kids- they are pricelessly wonderful! Anyone who has raised a kid (and especially those who have raised more than one) has plenty of great stories to tell.

Moms are mentors. Remember- they've been at this thing called life for a lot longer than you have. If they are spiritually sound, there's no telling what they can teach you about all sorts of topics from the PTA to discernment in friendships. Even if you aren't at a point where your mom can mentor to you, some one's mom can. Seek one out- I'm telling you, it's totally worth it! I speak from experience.

Titus 2 reminds us of what our "moms" can teach us:

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live,
not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.
Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,
to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind,
and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."
-Titus 2:3-5

95 Hours

2007-02-21T05:37:00.000-05:00

A whole 95 hours. There will be at least one person praying for this campus for 95 straight hours.

Our Director of Campus Ministry (I know, it sounds like a high and detached title but she's really one of the nicest people I've ever met) has organized 95 hours of prayer for our campus. They've converted the prayer room in the Chapel to a little sanctuary. They've covered the walls in white paper and left a sketchbook and a journal for students to express their prayers in their own unique way. There is also a prayer request wall and a world map with ways to pray for each country.

SGA volunteered to pray from 4 to 5 am, thus explaining why I am up before the crack of dawn. There were five of us, and it was one of the best hours I have had all year. You know those times when you can feel the presence of God? It was one of those.

It was the second time in the past week that God took something I felt obligated to do and turned it into something that so blessed me and so blessed the people around me. Isn't it just like my God to do that?

It was a great time to pray and journal and really think about where God wants this campus to go. We have a faculty who is willing to organize something like the 95 hours of prayer; we have an audience of over 2500 college students, a fair number with their hearts already turned to God; we have resources in abundance. I'm trusting that God will reveal to us how He would have us use ~~our~~ His resources to diligently increase the Kingdom.

I've been thinking about our campus dynamic a lot. The only conclusion I can seem to draw about what we should be comes from Acts in it's description of the body of believers.

"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship,
to the breaking of bread and to prayer.
Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common.
Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.
Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts.
They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts,
praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people.
And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."
-Acts 2:42-47

Despite the fact that we are a Christian school, we have a long way to go before we reach this goal. Will you join with me in praying for a revolution? And I don't mean the kind of revolution that Chevy advertises in their car commercials. I mean the kind of revolution that changes hearts, minds, lives, and destinies.